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David Ross Is Probably The Cubs Next Manager

Saturday Night Live - Season 42

First let me squash some speculation:

While many consider me to be the most qualified, I am in fact not interviewing for the Cubs’ manager job. It’s my own personal decision as I don’t think the club could handle my managerial style much less my alcohol and tobacco consumption. Hard pass on this soft bunch.

Granted, many of you are probably like:

Carl that’s the job of a lifetime. How could you not even throw your hat in the ring?

Easy guys. The job belongs to David Ross and it wouldn’t feel right interviewing against him especially when you know he wants it

“One of the best” and “I think the interest” and “drawn a little bit”…. all examples of what we call Minimizing Language where Ross wants to come out and say “I want the job and I’m ready” but he can’t. So he modifies his message to look like He Doesn’t Care when you know the dude cares. That’s what makes him David Ross. He always fucking cares. Whether it’s meeting some stranger and remembering their name years later or it’s working with a rookie reliever who sucks or it’s his best friend. The dude always cares. Impossible not to. So for him to dance around that message to me is very calculated. Almost like he knows he’s the guy for the job and is the right fit.

That brings me to 2 things:

(1) The Cubs Are Leaning Mark Loretta And Ross Wants To Get It Out There That He Wants The Job: this is because Ross doesn’t want people to think he passed on the job. Seems like everyone wants to speak on his behalf right now too. He’s Got Family Stuff Going On… ESPN Pays A Lot…  He Already Has A Good Relationship With The Club… on these reasons go and none of them are coming from DR’s mouth.

That said, Ross probably doesn’t want to be seen as the guy who passed on the Cubs job. It’s one thing to lose it straight up if it goes to Loretta. But I don’t think Ross is the guy who would pass on the job and I don’t think he wants people to get that impression. So instead he’s making it known he’s ready and able. Should the Cubs pass and go Loretta, Ross looks better by being clear he would take it.

(2) Ross Knows He’s Getting The Job And Preparing For The Storm: classic Barstool thing is just float it out there as a step 1 and it looks like Ross is floating out his fit and job acceptance. Besides, would Theo part with Joe without having his backup tabbed? Doesn’t sound like something Theo would do. Doesn’t sound like something any smart person would do actually. Instead it sounds like the minds have been made up about how to proceed and now we’re getting it slowly dripped on us out of respect to Joe Maddon’s success.

But then this brings me to one last thing.

(3) I’m Probably Wrong: at this point I don’t trust me to pick my own ass. I thought the Cubs had fight in them and they didn’t. I thought the NL Central was a reasonable goal this year. It wasn’t. I’m sick of being wrong so excuse me if recent history puts the job with Loretta. Almost like Theo’s waiting for my take on this so he can use the remaining moments of 2019 to drive the stake through my heart a little deeper.

That feels much better. Now leave it in there and go get #3 back in the dugout.