The NBA Is Finally Going To Figure Out How Tall And Old Its Players Are

It’s always been outrageous that the NBA has openly allowed the tallest and most athletic humans on the planet to just straight up lie about their height. Kevin Garnett used to lie about being 6’11” because he thought if he listed himself as 7-foot he’d be forced to play center. Kevin Durant outright REFUSES to admit that he’s a tall person.

Yeah OK, KD. 6’7″, sure. Slightly taller than me. You know who’s listed at 6’7″? Draymond Green.

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Definitely the same sized human. Then you’ve got little guys like Allen Iverson (absolutely not 6’0″), Isaiah Thomas (absolutely not 5’9″) and Kemba Walker (potentially the shortest human on the planet).


I’m glad we’ll finally know the heights of these titans. We’ve been measuring their wingspans, their BMI, their body fat %, their vertical leaping capabilities, their speed, literally every aspect of their persona with exact precision but couldn’t be bothered to have them list an accurate height. Preposterous.

The real part of this rule is what happened to the Sacramento Kings. In what was the most overlooked sports story in the last decade, it was revealed that Buddy Hield was actually older than what he listed. As someone who was already old when he came out of college relative to the other prospects in his class, this should have been grounds for immediate termination of his contract. At the very least, the Kings should have been entitled to some sort of compensation for being duped. Roberto Hernandez, better known as Fausto Carmona, had his MLB career ruined because of birth certificate manipulation like this. Hield? Ahh who gives a shit. Boys will be boys. Well apparently the NBA now gives a shit. Well, they give as much of a shit as your local Little League and Pop Warner leagues. A big step for one of the most lucrative leagues on the planet.