Best Of The Meanest Things Coaches Have Said

This turned out even better than I could’ve imagined. All sports, guys, girls, and I’m assuming coast to coast. It doesn’t matter where you’re from or who you are, at some point in your life you ran across a coach that was absolutely disgusted with your presence. This is the best of

We’ll start with comment section, Smitty. Love Smitty getting in the mix. I feel like Smitty probably has a catalogue of memories like this. I am a big believer that sports make otherwise average people more successful in life. They prepare you for the real world. By comparison to some of the things Portnoy has said about Smitty getting called a pregnant giraffe seems like a compliment.

WSD clearly has a burner comment section handle.

You know it’s probably bad in the moment, but when your life has gotten to the point where you’re actually at the strip club on a tuesday morning to realize what your coach actually meant well that probably stings more than your pee after you hook up with your tuesday stripper girlfriend.

Gotta love a good mix of mental and phsyical abuse.

“the only thing worse than hate is apathy”–MLK, I think. I didn’t actually look it up. If your coach didn’t care, neither do I.

This one was SUPER relatable. I was 5’2 my freshman and sophomore years of High School. My football playing time was…limited. I’d always stand next to the coach in the hopes that he would panick at some point looking for someone to sub in and he’d throw me in just because I was in his line of sight and close to him. It never worked, but that was my thinking.

This is definitely the meanest one, in my opinion. There’s nothing worse than having to put your dog down. Nothing that I have experienced anyways. Having said that…rules are rules, life is for the living, and…the coach probably thought she could’ve scheduled the vet appointment around practice which is probably true. Probably wanted you to do it old yeller style like this coach.

I always assumed that the best part of being a teacher was that those kids who drove you fucking insane and made your life miserable with their mere existence were someone else’s problem the next year. What this tells us is that 14 year-olds being shit heads is a universal truth. No one class is better than the next. Nothing better is coming. The best course of action is just give up. Give up before…

Shame is the best motivator there is. If you can’t call someone fat then you can’t help them get skinny.

There is nothing coaches hate more than some shit bird smart ass kid who the coach knows is INFINITELY more intelligent than he is. We had a coach my senior year who would make us run sprints based on our ACT scores. You’re Ivy League kid with a 36…start running.

I got probably 150 responses to this all together. Maybe we can make this a running series. If you have longer stories that you think are blog worthy, feel free to email me the details. Chief@barstoolsports.com.