Happy Birthday, Gritty, You Beautiful Greasy Orange Bastard
A year ago today people woke up, had their morning coffee, went to work and just assumed that it would be like any other ordinary day. They thought that life as they knew it would simply continue on without missing a beat. Maybe they’d treat themselves to a nice lunch. Maybe they had plans set up with friends they hadn’t seen in a while later that night. Maybe they were just going to get home after a long, stressful day at work and just decompress for a little. No matter what your plans were for that day, however, they were immediately thrown out of the window the moment that this smacked ass was introduced to our lives.
From the moment I first laid eyes on Gritty, I knew that he was going to be one of the greasiest bastards the world ever did see. And from that moment, life has never been the same. I think that they’ll write textbooks one day about living in a post-Gritty world. First there was BC, then there was AD, and now we are living in PG. And it’s honestly shocking how much we forget what that world was like before this scumbag was introduced to our lives. He’s only been here for 365 days but it’s felt like an eternity. Actually try to sit there right now and remember what life was like before Gritty. You can’t.
Love him or hate him, there is no escaping him. Gritty is everywhere. Gritty is everything. And in a sense, I truly believe that Gritty is everyone. Gritty is that version of yourself that nobody else has ever seen. The version of you that is alone in your car and stuck in traffic for a few hours. The version of you the moment your roommate leaves the apartment for a long weekend and you have the place all to yourself. The version of you that randomly decides to start the day with a key bump and a Four Loko. When most of us are thinking that it’s socially unacceptable to fight a small child out on the ice, Gritty is there to say “fuck them kids”.
When most of us are thinking it would be both rude and crude to blast a silly string load all over a couple of reporters, Gritty is there for the money shot.
And when most of us think it would be inappropriate to run across Lincoln Financial Field exposing our bare butt, balls and back, Gritty is there to go Tits Out For The Boys.
So happy birthday, Gritty. You might be an orange greasy bastard, but you’re our orange greasy bastard. Now here’s to hoping you stay out of jail for another year, and that the team is actually good enough this year that Gritty isn’t the most memorable part of the season.