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A Woman Discovers That Biting a Camel's Testicles Will Prevent Him From Sitting on You

SourceA woman who allegedly bit the testicles of a truck stop camel in an effort to escape was sent to the hospital after the headlines-shattering encounter.

WAFB reports the incident went down last Thursday night at a truck stop in Grosse Tete, Louisiana where a camel named Caspar was on display inside of a fenced off enclosure.

At some point during the truck stop visit, a couple’s deaf dog got away from them and made it beneath the fencing. The couple followed their dog, only to be met with Caspar, who’s described in the report as “an agitated camel.”

Then, due to reasons not fully known or otherwise elaborated on in accounts of the incident, the camel “sat on the woman.” The woman then bit the camel’s testicles, subsequently landing her in the hospital, though the extent of her possible injuries has not been made public.

“She said, ‘I bit his balls to get him off of me, I bit his testicles to get him off of me,'” Iberville Parish Deputy Louis Hamilton Jr. said. … “The camel did nothing wrong…. The camel was just doing its normal routine.”

Ironically enough, “Grosse Tete” is French for “Big Head.” Ironic in that no one will ever use their big brains the way this ingenious deaf dog owner did. That is exactly the kind of cool, level-headed, clear thinking you need in a moment of crisis like that.

In the immortal words of Prussian General Helmuth von Moltke the Elder, no battle plan survives first contact with the enemy. Or as that other great historical leader Mike Tyson put it, everybody’s got a plan until they get punched in the mouth.  Just like I’m sure everyone who goes into a truck stop camel enclosure has a plan for what to do if there’s a camel attack. But we’re talking about your garden variety attack. Spitting, biting, charging you. Nobody goes in there expecting to be sat on. And when it happens, you have to improvise. To keep your wits about you, calmly come up with an alternative plan and execute. And that’s what this young lady did.

Congrats to her. And on behalf of everyone here at Barstool, because I don’t want NBC to accuse us of encouraging anti-camel bigotry or promoting victim-shaming, my sincerest apologies to Casper the camel. Speaking for humans everywhere, I apologize you got your testicles bitten and wish you a full and speedy recovery. If only one of Matt Lauer’s victims had had the same opportunity, who knows how many others would’ve been spared from the predator NBC was paying tens of millions of dollars to to pretend he had sympathy for the #MeToo movement?