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Rob Kardashian Cries Everytime He Sees Himself Naked Because He's So Fat And His Dick Is So Small (No, Really)

 

(GossipCop)Rob Kardashian’s recent weight gain has led to some body shame — and not just the kind you’d expect. During his interview for the “Ryan Seacrest with the Kardashians” special on E!, the reality star revealed his bigger gut, acquired following a rough breakup from Rita Ora, has a very specific, upsetting effect on him. “Every time I hop in the shower and see myself naked, I cry,” said Kardashian. “Because my penis looks so small now.” But happier times could be just around the corner. Kardashian joked, ”The upside is, every time you lose 10 pounds, you gain an inch on your penis.”

 

You ever get tired of being mean? Just have this moment of clarity where you realize you could have been nicer to people throughout your life? I do. There was one girl in elementary school I used to call Chewbacca (on account of her very hairy arms) and she’d cry all the time. But we’d laugh. Oh, would we laugh. And when I got to high school I realized how fucked up that was of me. Might have ruined that girls life. Never know.

Anyway, that’s kind of where I am with the Kardashians. I kind of feel responsible for what’s become of them. There was one time, I think it was in the summer of 2009, when I was the president of the Kardashians are Kunts fan club. But now? It’s just not worth the energy. It brings me more guilt than joy. They got the one sister who’s always been fat, the other sister who gets fatter and fatter every day, and now the brother who’s so fat he’s dickless. And I’ve always been a fair fighter, I don’t kick people when they’re down. So I won’t even mention the fact that he’s balding too.

Won’t do it. Just gonna go pick myself up a bottle of hydroxycut and an apple. See what this whole “lose 10 pounds, gain an inch” theory is all about. See you when I’m at a buff 110 and hung like Mexican donkey. Hee-haw!