Does This Look Like the Face of a Guy Who Tried to Rob an ATM With A Blowtorch and Armored Underwear?


Portland - A man accused of using a cutting torch on a Portland ATM was wearing armored underwear when he was arrested. KPTV reports an officer responded to the ATM early Sunday and confronted him in a parking lot. Police say he sprayed pepper spray and ran before he was chased down. The 32-year-old man was wearing two ballistic vests and had ballistic panels sewn into undergarments covering his arms, legs, back and crotch. He was armed with a knife and had a stun gun and acetylene torch in a backpack. Mark Fischer was booked into the Multnomah County Jail on multiple charges including being a felon in possession of body armor.

Love the hustle and the planning ahead. If you’re going to rob an ATM, you need to throw what you thought you knew out the window. You have to go blow torch, pepper spray incase someone catches on to you fool-proof plan, and armored underwear so you feel the power way down in your plumbs. Can’t leave those bad boys unprotected. That’s where about 90% of the strength to rob an ATM with a blow torch even comes from. First thing the cops are going to go for when they see you? Your nads. 100/100 times. And what were the chances he was going to get caught anyway? Ridiculous he didn’t get away with this. He had such a good plan. Cops are way too smart these days.

PS: One of his charges was for “possession of body armor”. Oh so now you can’t even protect yourself anymore? Is that what we’ve come to? Say he had a shield, would that be illegal too? That weird chain link shit? Where do we draw the line. If making homemade bullet proof skivvies is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

PS: People who say ATM machine GKY yourself.