Lady Barfs All Over A Guy In A Fight About The National League Central

Alright truth be told that wasn’t a fight about the NL Central. Or maybe it was. Idk. I just know that if you’re comparing a fight video to MLB divisional play, this one’s pretty close to what we’ve seen from the National League Central Division for most of 2019. It’s been sloppy, confusing, disgusting, uncomfortable and weird. But it’s also been a lot of fun and truth be told no matter how bad it gets, I can’t stop watching.

And what about Barf Girl

That’s the Pittsburgh Pirates over the weekend, surrendering more runs in a 3 game series than any MLB team since the turn of the Millennium:

Hitting 14 home runs while allowing 0 over 3 games with the wind howling out is a goddamn miracle. And if you’re casually glossing over 47 runs scored, look again

The Cubs AVERAGED more runs than 10 NFL teams scored points yesterday and exactly the kind of momentum I want to capitalize on with 13 games left in the season.

You’ve heard me say it before and I’ll do it again: we need every single one starting with tonight against the Cincinnati Reds, a team that has wildly outperformed their season record

The Cubs enter tonight 7-9 on the season against the Reds. Conventional wisdom says you don’t lose the season series to them although that means a clean 3-0 sweep.

Alexa who is pitching for the Reds:

Kevin Gausman, Sonny Gray and Tyler Mahle will be pitching this week for the Cincinnati Reds agains the Chicago Cubs. Would you like to know much these guys suck?

No thanks Alexa. I know Gausman and Mahle are walking bags of shit but Sonny Gray is pretty fucking nails so that sucks. All the more reason to pour it on early and keep the momentum going from this weekend.

With Rizzo out on a nasty ankle injury:

The Cubs are now devoid of the hottest leadoff hitter in baseball which means we need another guy to slide in to the #1 spot to take a bunch of pitches and scare the shit out of the pitcher. Insert once failed leadoff man Kyle Schwarber

How long he’s in there depends entirely on Rizzo. They said his x-rays were negative and MRI was okay for serious ankle damage, but even best case scenario including all the cortisone shots in the world means 2 weeks at best. So we gotta survive and adapt which is just big time meatball speak for finding someone to get on in front of Llabos and Bryant.

Rizzo’s ability to set the table for 2 of the hottest right handed bats in baseball was very fucking good. Over 162 he’s the best on the roster to do just that and now we need to patch it together for the last 13. I have every ounce of faith that the Cubs will figure it out because considering the alternative sends me to a dark place and I’m not doing that.

Hey. Speaking of cortisone shots holy fuck has Kris Bryant been good since getting a needle in his shoulder last week:

Sounds like it’s working

Like, really, REALLY working

Interesting how quiet the hate on KB gets which brings me back to one of my favorite takes about this Cubs core: leave KB alone. He’s the last person in the world you should ever worry about because he’s a bonafide professional robot. Like he was designed in a science lab to play baseball at an extremely high level. He may have a dip here or a dodge or duck there. But you never say this guy sucks because he doesn’t. Again, especially when we’re using science to get him healthy.

Another guy you never have to worry about?

Possibly the best trade deadline acquisition of the last _____ I don’t care just fill in the blank with something awesome and no it can’t be Nico Hoerner. He’s taken: this was wild

with a follow up

And for those reasons I am OUT on Addison Russell  F O R E V E R  with a corresponding boner for Nico.

Finally, Jon Lester’s been brutal so let’s have a nice send off featuring a very touching video about how awesome he is as a leader.

They’ll need that shit down the stretch. Let’s fucking go ladies.