In Honor Of Sam Darnold Getting Mono Here Is A Flashback To the Time I Kicked Mono's Ass

sammm

Here is breaking news. I have mononucleosis. I didn’t even know 38 year old alpha males could get mono. I thought mono was something teenagers got and missed a month of school with. And we’ve all heard what mono does to you. You’re too tired to even get out of bed. Just permanent noodle mode. All you want to do is sleep. These are the symptoms and I’m displaying all of them in spades;

• Fatigue
• General feeling of unwellness (malaise)
• Sore throat, perhaps a strep throat that doesn’t get better with antibiotic use
• Fever
• Swollen lymph nodes in your neck and armpits
• Swollen tonsils
• Headache
• Skin rash
• Soft, swollen spleen

But a funny thing happened on the way to Mono sidelining me for a month. Mono ran into a manchild. They ran into a man they couldn’t make kneel. I haven’t missed 1 day of blogging. I’ve been crisscrossing the country doing business. LA, to Ann Arbor, to Indy, to Chicago to Kentucky. 5 cities in 5 nights. Bieber videos, rundowns, tshirt sales. I haven’t missed a beat. I’m so noodly I can’t even walk over a drain because I’d just fall in, but through it all I’ve kept trucking. I’ve battled and scratched and clawed against this disease. Now Mono is walking down the street whispering to each other….”Hey did you hear about that SOB from Boston who is putting us in his back pocket? If word gets out that you can beat Mono we’re finished” I’m redefining the entire mono industry strictly on heart and courage and balls and jackhammer. I’m not writing this blog to brag I’m just writing it for anybody else out there who may have Mono. You can beat it. I did. You can too.

PS – I haven’t officially been diagnosed with Mono or really even seen a doctor but I’m pretty sure I got it.