I'm Convinced Dan Snyder Is Making Every Redskins Player's Knees Explode

I mean, enough is enough. How come every hyped player who walks through the door at Redskins Park ends up with their knees exploding? It doesn’t make sense. It’s every single season now, someone goes down with some sort of catastrophic leg or knee injury. I mean last year we had Guice tear up his knee on the first carry of preseason. Alex Smith nearly lost his leg. And Colt McCoy broke his. It’s ridiculous.

And what’s the common denominator here?

Dan Snyder.

That’s right. Daniel Snyder is THE reason all these players, going back to RG3, are losing their legs by the minute. He has cursed this franchise in so many ways, but I am now convinced every player with a high ceiling who comes here is doomed and their knees in jeopardy because of him and nothing else. Nevermind that the turf at FedEx has the consistency of wet sand at the beach, so that certainly doesn’t help either. But Snyder, the devil walking among us, needs to make the sacrifice for the good of the future knees of the Redskins and sell the team. It’s the really least he can do. We can’t keep drafting guys or signing guys expecting to turn the team around only for the Snyder Curse to cause them to rip their ACLs, have their bone pierce through their skin, or have a knee tear in half. Enough is enough.

I feel so bad for Guice too. He never had injury issues. People are trying to say he’s “made of glass” or whatever, and that’s just not true. He was healthy all through college and came into the league with no injury worries whatsoever. It’s just really, really unfortunate variance that he’s going back to back years with injuries like his.

So I ask the question- is it variance, or is it Snyder? Dead serious I think Snyder has something to do with it. His presence alone, him being around the team, causes them pain. People are going to stop coming here because they don’t want to step off the plane at DCA and have their MCL spontaneously combust. The only thing to fix this issue is Snyder sells the team. It’ll be like in the Lion King when once Scar dies and the sun finally shines on the Pride Lands once again. Knees will start heeling, the grass at Fed Ex will grow again, and fans will start returning to the games. But until that happens, it’ll just be more darkness and sadness.

Fuck Bruce Allen too.