Thumbnail pic: Simone Ver Eecke and her boyfriend, Joe Ahearn, are keeping their love alive via Google Docs and Stefano Giovannini
Forget sexy text messages. Now, the hallmark of true romance is communicating via Google Docs.
Partners are using the internet giant’s cloud-based word-processing service to send flirtatious notes and suggestive images. Lovers typically share a single document and exchange messages both in the main body of text and using the in-line comment function.
This is it. This is the point in my life where I’ve fully turned into my father and am saying “fuck technology”. My dad has an iPhone now and is slowly getting the hang of this whole “text messaging” thing, but to this day he makes me hand him my cell phone when I go to his house because it’s “atrophied my brain.”
Well at this point I can’t say I blame him. Societies brain is fully atrophied and I can no longer identify with the younger generation. Sending sexts through google docs? Are you fucking kidding me???
Look, I’ve never really worked a real job. For the better part of my adult life I was cold calling truck drivers. Straight up begging these assholes to pick up bailed hay, bottled water, and other shit from distributers, all while lying about what I’d pay them to do so. I’d then duck their calls once they delivered my freight… that is if they were big enough suckers to pick it up in the first place.
Takes a real brainiac to lie through your teeth all day. But that was me. I’ve never touched google docs in my life.
But now I’m wishing I wouldn’t have been a C+ student, went to class and gotten a degree in finance or something, because by the looks of it I’m never getting laid again.
You know how long these “sexts” took me to make?
like an hour. That’s about 55 mins longer than the sex itself would last, that is if you’re counting the boring yet obligatory make out sesh that precludes it. FUCK THAT. I’d rather be a celibate. Stick to ordering a pizza at 3am and passing out before the delivery guy gets to my place. Not that I was ever getting laid again anyways. But you get the point.
And I get you can upload pictures and shit to these forms but you use your phone for that anyways. Just bombs away on a text message like a normal “old” person. It’s a tried and true method. It’s worked for the ugliest of the ugly aka me.
I’m officially Abraham Simpson yelling at a cloud.