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Teen "Sexorcists" From Ukraine Exorcising STD Demons And Fighting Harry Potter Spells

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ExpressThis first impression is reinforced when Brynne Larson and sisters Tess and Savannah Scherkenback, profess their love of outdoor pursuits such as horse-riding in Arizona. Yet unlike most teenage girls they have no interest in going to parties or chasing boys and have vowed never to read the Harry Potter novels or to watch the Twilight films. Instead the trio, who all hold black belts in karate, spend their time battling Satan and banishing demons from possessed souls – after years of training to become exorcists. Savannah, 21, says: “We have a warrior mentality so we can defend ourselves physically but can also fight the spiritual battle that is being waged every day.” After banishing evil spirits in Ukraine they have come to London armed with their crucifixes and bibles. They are determined to stop British teenagers from inviting Satan to possess them by reciting the spells in the Harry Potter books, which they believe are real. They claim Britain is a hotbed of satanic activity through its “history of witchcraft and pagan beliefs”. Savannah says: “It has been centuries in the making but I believe it came to a pinnacle with the Harry Potter books.” Her sister Tess, 18, adds: “The spells you are reading about are not made up, they are real and come from witchcraft.” Brynne, also 18, says loose morals are a cause of evil possessions, as people can catch “sexually transmitted demons” in the same way that HIV is caught.

These 3 Exorcists broads are back, and boy, have they stepped up their game. The last time we heard from them A) the were underage and B) Just complaining about Satan and shit. Now they’re back, they’re legal, they’re hot (read: the red head), and they are focused on the right sort of shit – exorcising STD Demons and Harry Potter Spells. Great move from them, professionally speaking. Nobody really gives a shit about God and Satan. You know what people love? Fucking and Harry Potter. You get into the sex business and the Harry Potter biz, and you’re gold. And personally, I love what they’re doing. I fucking hate die hard Harry Potter fans, and I hate STDs. If I ever get a tests back with some positive results, I’ll do whatever it fucking takes to get rid of that shit. Black market pills, sexorcisms from Ukrainian necromancers, whatever. Maybe herpes is curable after all. Maybe you just need a sexorcism to get rid of the Sexually Transmitted Demons. Hey, its worth a fucking shot, no? That shit is for life – might as well exhaust every option.

PS – Thinking about getting a Sexually Transmitted Demon just to get Savannah to come do her thing on me. Show me your black belt skills, girl.