Guarantee this dude’s feet went from being cold to colder than a witch’s tit when she whispered this in his ear. I don’t give a shit if they have been dating their entire lives, no dude in his right mind wants to hear his wife say “I just took a huge dump”. That’s locker room talk. Guy talk. Dude lingo. Not something a bride should be saying on her wedding day. Besides, women don’t take shits anyways. Everyone knows that. That’s not me speaking, that’s science, bitch.
But since the bride here is hell bent on lying, here’s a list of acceptable euphemisms for “taking a shit” that are suitable for women to say:
1. using the washroom
2. using the restroom
3. using the lady’s room
4. needed to make a quick phone call
5. ran down the street to the gas station
that’s basically all I got off the top of my head. Anything other than “I just took a massive dump.” My gag reflex is getting a workout just constructing the blog, I don’t even wanna know how the groom felt. She’s lucky he didn’t turn her white dress into a perfect camouflage from puking all over it, though. That, or ya know, pull a Peter Griffin, throw up his arms and say “Done!”
He would have been perfectly justified in doing so, too.