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Ask The Stoolies - Dating 101

KFC Editor’s Note: I took the plunge so my days of stringing chicks and exploiting things said in confidence for blog material are over. I passed the smokeshow torch to Beardo and now he’s out there navigating the dangers dating waters of NYC trying to get laid. These are the trials and tribulations of a man on the hunt. You got your own questions or tales about the fucked up world of sex and hooking up? Email beardobarstool@gmail.com with your stories and questions, and we’ll post them for the Stoolies to weigh in on

Dear Stoolies, I recently got a text from a broad I went on a date with and I don’t know what the fuck she is talking about.  Please help,





So I really got this text last night from some chick.  First things first, I think she likes me right? I was kind of confused because shes in that “out of your league” hot category, but I think I still have the upper hand.

In college it was so much easier, you text a chick “wanna watch a movie” or just wait for your phone to buzz from your slam when the bars get out.  Now that college is over and I’m in the city this dating game shit fucking blows.  Here’s my 2 cents:

Sweetie it’s the first date with a person you barely know, if you’re just going to sit there all quiet and cute someone has to fucking talk.  Oh it was rude I tried to keep the convo going during dinner so we didn’t sit in dead silence? Sorry. All these fucking broads in the city have legit jobs, and goals and shit.  Way harder to wheel chicks that have their JD and work at a law firm and or ibanker at a bulge bracket than the chick in ugg boots and a northface fleece who will suck your dick literally for the fact that you have a handle of shitty vodka.


Back to the text, what is this 17th century England? Courtship? Chum?  Based on the fact that she used the word “chum” should be a dealbreaker.  But then again I am just a man, and hotness trumps EVERYTHING.  I hate when dudes are like “would you date a girl named, like Mildred or something?” If shes hot shes hot bro, that’s it.  She could have a voice like the Allstate guy but if shes a smoke then I’m in, end of story.

So, what’s the play? Tell me new chum to hit the bricks and get over herself? Keep stringing her because I want to fuck her incessantly? What Would Stoolies Do?