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Scam Artist Tries To Extort Cop, Claims She's About To Get Arrested For Money Laundering and Drug Trafficking, Cop Laughs In His Face While Recording The Whole Thing


Apex police Capt. Ann Stephens was on the receiving end of a scam phone call on Tuesday. The police department posted a video to its Facebook page documenting her experience with the caller.

One caller said there were 25 illegal bank accounts open under her name. Another said she is charged with money laundering and drug trafficking.

“I have a hard time believing a drug dealer supplies his social security number to somebody,” Stephens told the caller.

Depending on who Stephens was speaking with, she was told she had anywhere from two to 25 charges pending against her social security number. She was told that local deputies would arrest her if she didn’t comply

This blog is a little storytime/PSA for Stoolies.

But first, I love the cut of this officer’s jib.  A quick google search shows Apex NC is a town of about 50,000 people and is pretty safe all things considered.  Here is their crime index compared to Naperville, IL aka Yuppytown USA

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Now I love the men and women and blue and do NOT want to come off as saying her job isn’t exceedingly difficult, because it is, but she’s also not working in Engelwood or Garfield Park.  So her fucking around with a scam artist is hilarious to me.  Bored af at the office that day, we’ve all been there, and the scammer obviously didn’t expect her to be able to spit back police lingo at him.  Anytime he gets someone on the phone he probably thinks he’s in line for a big pay day.  Not on this officer’s watch though.  Just put his brain into a pretzel.


BUT – this is apparently happening a lot more, and kinda happened to me recently.  I moved from Ukrainian Village to Lincoln Park on 8/1.  I did the move 100% on my own – didn’t ask a single friend for help.  Shout out to me for that.  All I did was swap my car for my dad’s pickup so I could do the move.

After I had switched my dad’s truck back with my car a few days after I moved, I got a call from him at like 8am on the way to the office one morning.  He goes “HOW BAD DID YOU FUCK UP???”

I was perplexed.  Had no idea what he was talking about but you all know as well as I do that I fuck up and fuck up regularly.  I took his word for it, assumed I fucked something up and didn’t really argue with him for a few seconds.  Only problem was I didn’t know exactly what I had fucked up.

So he goes “You got a DUI in my goddamn truck and asked your grandmother to bail you out of jail?”

Ummmm what?  My mind was RACING for a few different reasons.

1. my dad’s mother died in like 1991 and I hardly remember her, so it wasn’t that grandma
2. my parents have been divorced for like 15 years and my dad doesn’t really talk to my mom’s parents much for obvious reason
3. my mom’s mother lives in New Jersey and I hadn’t spoken with her for a week or two prior to that and we have different last names.  Seriously people found her, 1/2 a country away and with a different last name and knew her grandson’s name in full.  FUCKED UP.

But for legitimately about 1/2 a second I thought I did in fact get a DUI in my dad’s truck and just might have been too blacked out to realize it.  Now I NEVER EVER drink and drive, never have, never will.  I don’t even like driving after a beer or two.  I’m too crippled by student debt to be able to afford that kinda fuck up and that’s what Uber is for.  Nevertheless for a fraction of a second I was like wait wtf did I do last weekend?

But after I came to, I told my dad that I didn’t in fact get arrested for a DUI much less call his ex in law to bail me out of jail.  So now his head is spinning and says “I’ll call ya back”.  5 minutes later the phone rings and he goes “someone called your grandmother saying they were you and you needed your grandma to western union $10,000 to get bailed out of jail for a DUI.”

At this point I figured it was a Stoolie fucking with me and now I’m the one who’s irate.  So I start motherfucking people to my dad saying it’s not me, call her back and tell her don’t do it, it’s a prank and and someone from twitter is taking the whole “mouse” thing one step too far.   I’m talking spit flying out of my mouth, splattering my windshield mad, screaming at the top of my lungs mad.  Just irate.

But once I cooled down after a few minutes I tweeted about it and apparently it’s happening a lot.  A lot of Stoolies targeted with the exact same scam.  Scumbags targeting elderly grandmas because grandmas are nice people and fall for shit like this.

Now my grandma is sharp and didn’t send the money.  But she’s also in her late 70s and definitely doesn’t need any stress on her fucking heart because of shit like this.  Thank christ she didn’t fly down to the nearest western union and do it because I would have gone on a Liam Neeson on someone’s ass.

Moral of the story: this is happening everywhere.  Warn your grandparents and listen to the cop’s advice and don’t give personal shit out.  I don’t know how or why there’s been such an uptick in it, but there has been.  People are losers.