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Condom Stocks Soar In South Korea After They Say Adultery Is No Longer A Crime

SEOUL, South KoreaA South Korean court on Thursday abolished a 62-year-old law that criminalized extramarital affairs, and the stock price of a prominent condom maker immediately shot up 15 percent. The Constitutional Court’s ruling that the law suppressed personal freedoms could affect many of the more than 5,400 people who have been charged with adultery since 2008, when the court earlier upheld the legislation, according to court law. Any current charges against those people could be thrown out and those who have received guilty verdicts will be eligible for retrials, according to a court official who declined to be named, citing office rules.

Under the law, having sex with a married person who is not your spouse was punishable by up to two years in prison. Nearly 53,000 South Koreans have been indicted on adultery charges since 1985, but prison terms have been rare.

Well now I understand why Kimmy Jong was always calling North Korea “Best Korea”. I had no idea that South Korea has had a 62-year-old law that made cheating on your wife illegal. Maybe I should really start to brush up on my knowledge of South Korean law a bit here. Now I’m not gonna get up here and condone cheating on your girl (mostly because it’s hard enough to find one girl who likes me), but the fact that 53,000 people have been legitimately charged with adultery and had to serve actual jail time is pretty bonkers, no? Cheating on your wife should be punishable by divorce and her hacking into your Instagram account and putting you on full-blast. Nothing more, nothing less.

With all that being said, I’m very proud of the people of South Korea today. This was a huuuuuge step for them making me actually care about them. Abolishing that oppressive law was one thing, and then seeing how well the condom market responded was just the icing on the cake. The South Koreans are ready to fuck some strange. They’re ready to go to town on some random poon that isn’t theirs. They’ve been waiting for this day for 62 long years, and now it is finally here. The next 72-hours in South Korea is just going to be Fuck City, USA, South Korea. It’s going to be similar to what 4/20 is for people smoking pot in Colorado, just with everyone banging chicks that aren’t their wives. And this is a two-way street so I’m sure all the married women in South Korea will take full advantage of this themselves. I don’t know. I’m just really happy for everyone over there. They’ve really earned it.