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Danny Almonte Doesn't Get Enough Respect And It Makes Me Sick

Bronx hurler Danny Almonte of the Rolando Paulino All-Stars

Danny Almonte never got the credit he very much deserved and far as I’m concerned that injustice ends today. Ask anyone how old Danny was while he was slicing up the LLWS and you’ll hear ages ranging from 16 to 27. Danny Almonte was a freshly turned 14 year old during the 2001 LLWS. And this is the part where everyone starts bitching and moaning about it being unfair that he was playing against “12 year olds.” Which has always and will always piss me off, because year after year we see 13 year olds strut to the plate and hit moonbombs all because they were born in a range of months that allowed them to play. That’s always, and I mean always, been horseshit. Either it’s 12 year olds or it aint, and as far as Little League has always been concerned – it fuckin’ aint. So yeah, a 14-year old was dominating 12 and 13-year olds. What a crime. Maybe those other kids should have grown up and stopped crying, did they even consider that? No, no they did not. Instead they went up there, saw approximately three pitches, and then sat back down. We have a word for that, and it’s called “losers.”

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Danny was so goddamn dominant two separate towns in different states hired private investigators to try and stop him. Both came up with nothing, which is really more of a black eye on the private investigator game than anything since he was super not of-age. But here’s the part of the story folks like to gloss over – how the fuck is a kid supposed to know how old he is? You gain sentience at roughly three years old and then it’s really on your parents to fill you in on the details you missed out on. Birthday parties, things of that nature. Papa Almonte decided to tell Danny he was born in ’89 rather than ’87. A classic Fausto Carmona move if I’ve ever seen one. You know who else doesn’t know how old they are? Albert fucking Pujols, and no one gives a shit.

Danny Almonte moved from the Dominican Republic to the Bronx in 2000, didn’t speak a lick of English, and was placed on a Little League diamond by his father under a falsified birth certificate. What was he supposed to do, tank it?

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No, no he wasn’t going to tank it. Instead he was going to STRIKE OUT 62 of the 72 weaklings who got in his way. Easily, and I mean EASILY, my favorite stat in all of sports history. Just fucking hosing down child after child with no remorse. That’s a type of killer instinct which should be celebrated and not shamed. Because him being 14 wasn’t the end-all be-all of his dominance. You ever meet a 14-year old? Lot of ‘em stink at sports. You couldn’t just put any 14-year old out there and get the same results. Danny was the truth, and proved so by going 9-0 as a JUCO pitcher in the late-2000s when everyone knew who he was and what his age was at that time. That’s the part of the Danny Almonte story they don’t want you to know – the part where he hit .497 with 14 home runs and a 7-1 record against other 20-year olds. Any diamond anywhere, Almonte was going to cook. I’m sorry the children of 2001 weren’t better at sports to give him any competition.

PS – Danny Almonte makes Buddy Hield look wildly mediocre in comparison. Buddy Hield was like 28 playing college ball and was pretty good, but by no means was he historically dominant. Also, when it came out LAST YEAR that Buddy Hield lied about his age no one gave a fuck. No one. You reading this might not have even known about Buddy Hield lying about his age because of how small of a story it was. Meanwhile 18 years later and Danny Almonte’s name is still being disparaged for no good reason. Danny Almonte was, is, and will forever be the GOAT.