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BREAKING: The Cubs To Sign Mickey Mouse

There’s no way Mickey Mouse sucks as much as the rest of these guys.

That said there’s so much emotional baggage behind a division title race that I can’t even think or breathe sometimes. Can’t even let Darvish throw 7 scoreless. Can’t even win when we strikeout double digits again. Can’t really do anything right now except get our tits blown off our chest on the road. And wasting it behind yet another amazing start from Darvish makes me sick.

Screen Shot 2019-08-15 at 10.53.58 PMJust an unbelievable up and down season for the Cubs that has everyone pulling over to the side of the road to puke their fucking guts out along the way. Even if you want to argue the lineup was so bad tonight they didn’t deserve to win – move on and focus on the bullpen. It’s 5-0 LATE and the Cubs give up 7 unanswered. Just an awful ending to an awful series.


Game 1 in Philly it was the lineup. Game 2 it was the starting pitching. Game 3 it was the bullpen. That’s actually impressive the Cubs were able to bomb so bad in a completely different phase of the game each night. So there’s your silver lining as Bryce Harper’s grand slam takes out a Russian satellite over rural Ohio.




Kinda hard to hang your hat on a lefty with a 5.50 ERA but I guess that’s our best option after spending $222M. Good luck getting some sleep tonight boys.