Some people might say, “Kate, this is not the time. Have you talked to Dave lately?” Or, “Kate, you don’t fully understand what a union is & what they do, which is a disgrace.” But has ignorance and/or bad timing ever stopped me from speaking out?
So I am starting a Barstool Union and these are my demands, and what I believe the demands of my fellow content personnel would be if I had asked them:
-Secret staircase from our kitchen to the business floor kitchen on 3rd, so it’s easier to steal their cups & snacks when we run out.
-Small, decorative tree in the ladies bathroom for ambiance, along with a couple shelves for our toiletries/curling irons/straighteners.
-Four-square court painted on the floor near my desk & basket nearby for bushel of kickballs.
-Exercise bike outside the radio room to get the blood pumpin’ & energy high before we go in there & talk.
-Ice cream sundae party every Wednesday around noon (to help get over the mid-week slump & stunt to people who don’t work here that we get free ice cream for no reason sometimes.)
-Allowed to ride scooters around in here again.
-Five mulligans to avoid firings on major screw ups.
For any coworkers interested in joining, my Venmo is open & it’s only a few grand per year.
Also, while I’m at it, think of the content. Dave goes against the Barstool Union & hires scabs to come in & undermine us with non-union blogs, and we inevitably brawl with them all around the office under the camera feeds. Click City. I can imagine Marty Mush & Big Ev blowing up a giant inflatable rat out front & shouting at guests who come in. Plus, we’ve already got hoodies & bumper stickers… Thinking of the Philly unions I know of, that’s a major part of it.
When you join, you have my word – I won’t back down until I get the green light on everything on this list, or until I get word that this didn’t go over well & I “need to stop”.