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Soccer Team Threatens To Ban Any Fans Who Feed The Seagulls At Games, Are Now My Favorite Squad


Source – A football club has told fans not to feed seagulls around its ground and warned that anyone caught doing so will be removed.

Scottish Championship side Queen of the South said on Friday that some spectators have been “deliberately throwing food to attract the seagulls into the crowded areas”.

A tweet from the Dumfries-based club encouraged fans to instead use bins provided around the 8,690-capacity Palmerston Park. The Doonhamers begin their league campaign at home to Dunfermline Athletic on Saturday and the club warned seagull waste could cause injuries.

This is an all-time move for a couple of different reasons. The first one being that I’m of the belief that too many people are going to pro sports games in the first place. I’m not the biggest fan of aggressively large crowds in any sort of environment. Any time you need to really work to squeeze by people just to be able to move, it’s not for me. So the fact that this soccer team is threatening to kick some fans out of the stadium seems like an ideal situation for myself to really be able to enjoy some personal space.

The second reason, of course, being the fact that I’ve been leading the crusade against seagulls for the past month or so. All I keep preaching is that you assholes need to learn to stop feeding the seagulls. These winged-rat bastards have been making fools out of us humans for years at this point. Seagulls never have to work a day in their life because they know they can just head to any town by a body of water and there will be countless amounts of idiots just waiting to hand them over some food for free. And they’re not even really dependent on us anymore because at this point, seagulls will just come in and swipe some food straight out of your hands. Humans who feed the seagulls for “fun” have created a breed of monsters, and it’s time that we put an end to it. Which means that if you’re one of the hundreds of thousands of clowns who think it’s okay to feed the seagulls, you can get the friggin’ heck out of here.


Less of a crowd and no more giving food to seagulls. That’s what I like to call getting two birds stoned at once.