Ho Hum, A Florida Man Drove A Golf Cart Through A Walmart While Police Chased Him With Tasers Before Crashing Into A Cash Register

TB Times- A 56-year-old man charged his golf cart through a Walmart on Thursday, terrorizing shoppers before he crashed into a cash register, according to the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office. Deputies were summoned to the Walmart on 9205 Gibsonton Drive at about 12:30 p.m. There they found Michael Dale Hudson blocking the liquor store entrance on his golf cart and demanding to talk to a manager. While deputies spoke to Hudson, the agency said he suddenly drove away and raced towards the main entrance, nearly striking several pedestrians along the way.

He ignored deputies’ orders to stop, the agency said, as he drove through the glass front doors and entered the store. He entered the checkout area, struck several patrons and caused many others to jump out of his way, the Sheriff’s Office said. Then he crashed into a register, which is where deputies took him into custody. A few shoppers were injured but treated at the scene by paramedics. They were not taken to a hospital, according to the Sheriff’s Office.

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I am sure the Tampa Bay Times, Associated Press, and all the other fine publications covering this story have very good reporters with very good sources that gave them the account above of what happened. But I personally choose to believe something else. Namely that the words Florida Man, Golf Cart, Walmart, Police Chase, and Tasers appeared together in different combinations on the internet so much, that they finally created this moment out of thin air like some unholy version of the immaculate conception. One minute there was nothing outside of that Walmart entrance, the next some dude appeared out of nowhere like a trashy Marty McFly that traded in his Delorean for a golf cart. And by the way people reacted, you cannot tell me any different. The customers and that old lady greeter were merely slightly perturbed that a man was driving a vehicle through their entrance as police chased him, likely because there were only two cops with tasers instead of the usual three and the usual pickup truck being replaced by a golf cart. Just another day in an American Walmart, which always has that same Florida vibe whether you are in New York, California, Montana, or the actual Sunshine State. Because Walmart gonna Walmart, Florida gonna Florida, and America gonna America.

The Gibsonton Walmart was evacuated earlier this week because of a threat of violence. A man called the store on Sunday and threatened a shooting attack, deputies said, a day after a massacre at a Walmart in El Paso, Texas. Nearly 1,000 shoppers were evacuated while deputies investigated the threat. They eventually arrested Wayne Lee Padgett, 31, of Valrico, on a felony charge of filing a false report of using a firearm in a violent manner.

Always.