If She Says The Meth In Her Vagina Isn't Hers, I Have No Choice But To Believe Her

Fox 5 - A Louisiana woman allegedly caught with meth hidden inside her vagina said she didn’t know where the drugs came from, police said.

Ashley Beth Rolland, 23, was accused on July 31 of stealing $5,000 from the apartment of a man she’d been staying with for about a week, according to documents published by the Ouachita Parish Sheriff’s Office.

The man told the West Monroe Police Department that while he was showering, Rolland swiped his cash and left. Rolland allegedly confessed to police she did take the man’s money and left his apartment.

The documents said a female correctional officer later searched Rolland and, inside of Rolland’s vagina, discovered $6,233 along with “a clear plastic bag” of roughly one gram of meth — which Rolland denied was hers.

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Straight up, if Ashley Beth Rolland is claiming the baggie of meth found in her vagina is not hers, I have no choice to believe her that the baggie of meth found in her vagina is not hers. I don’t need to bring physics or semantics into this, I think her word is good here. After all, she did admit to swiping the $5k in cash that they also found in her pussy, so she seems like a trustworthy lady. Sometimes I find random things in my pockets. An old tic tac, headphones I haven’t worn in months, a crumpled up 5 dollar bill. Things just wind up places and you haven’t a clue how they got there. Shit, I have some random business card in my pocket right now. I don’t know where it came from or why I thought I needed to take someone’s HVAC card, but it’s there. And much like the meth in her canyon, I am not convinced it is mine. The world works in the most mysterious of ways.

By the way, I feel we aren’t talking enough about the $6,233 in her cooch. Most people shove drugs up there because it’s a nice, dark, acidic place to hide them. However you don’t often hear about a woman turning her downstairs area into a walking ATM. I like the moxie though. Dare to be bold. As every sorority sister has said, well behaved women rarely make history. And lemme tell you, being a walking ATM is revolutionary. Her vag spitting out 100 dollar bills to anyone who might need them with a $5 service fee. The rich get richer, as they say. Don’t work for your money, make your money work for you.

But anyway, stay off the meth, kids. Do a little weed, hit the slopes, maybe float into outerspace on a mushroom, but you don’t want to be 23 years old having baggies of meth yanked out of your clam. That just ain’t the move.