Short Film Of The Year: Frank The Tank Gets A Pizza Delivered To His Basement Apartment Window


As some of the best to ever play football are inducted into Canton tonight, one of the best to ever get into the cuisine game put on a display of greatness the world has never seen before and may never see again.

Last week, Frank casually dropped a fun fact on his podcast that he gets pizzas delivered to his basement window like a goddamn Ninja Turtle to save time for both himself and the delivery driver.


(Even though upon further investigation, it appears Frank’s method be more Pennywise than Michaelangelo)

While I took Frank at his word, I needed to see the legend at work the next time he ordered pizza and it was somehow even more incredible then I could have ever imagined.

The anticipation of the chase.


The seamless handoff.


The thrill of victory.


Followed by the perfect sign off. Not an overly dramatic catchphrase like “The eagle has landed” or “Mission accomplished”. But something simple yet satisfying, like a bunch of cheese and sauce baked atop a round piece of dough.

Not only was the transaction as smooth as a Robbie Cano throw and efficient as Robbie Cano running out a lazy grounder. But everything wrapped up in less than a minute, which was about how long the first sentence of Ray Lewis’ Hall of Fame induction speech was.

Fit Frank for whatever color jacket the Food Hall of Fame gives out, because that man deserves a bust next to Giada, Guy Fieri and whoever invented the PB&J for all he has done for the food game from turning his apartment into a drive thru to saving wear and tear on tired delivery guys’ legs to everything his Tank Eats YouTube series has to offer (Tank making Kool Aid is still my favorite, even though it’s more of a 1A to English Muffin Pizzas at 1B).

Okay, I’m reshuffling the rankings because Frank going from making English Muffin Pizzas for Rough N Rowdy for God knows what reason to melting down about the Mets in mid-April is number 1 with a bullet if only because that rant must have scared the shit out of whatever poor soul was walking by his window at that moment.

I can’t wait to see what Frank cooks up next on YouTube or hear which fun fact he reveals about his life on his podcast next. Make sure to subscribe, rate 5 stars, and all that good stuff for the big fella.