Derek Carr And Jon Gruden Are Going To Be Neighbors In Las Vegas, Which Means We Need The Camera Crews To Stay With Them Forever
If I’m HBO right now, I’m doing everything in my power to convince Jon Gruden and Derek Carr to let the cameras stick around well after Hardknocks wraps up this summer. Because if we can film these two being neighbors when they eventually make the move to Las Vegas, this has the potential to be one of the greatest sitcoms of all time.
Just picture what each episode could be like. Each week the cold open could be a quick little recap of how that week’s Raiders game went. The show won’t focus so much about what happens on the field, but each game is going to give that week’s episode some context. So let’s say the Raiders get completely shit pumped in week 4 and Gruden decides to pull Derek Carr to put Peterman in there. We see it happen in the cold open, then we get the title sequence, then the next scene is the following morning. Derek Carr walks outside to get the morning paper. Neighbor Jon is already outside watering the plants and doing some work in the yard.
“Howdy, neighbor! Sure is a hot one outside today”, Gruden says.
“Yup. Sure is. Same as pretty much every day before”, said Derek while silently cursing Gruden under his breath. He can’t believe the nerve of this guy. First off, it’s fucking Las Vegas. It’s hot every day. Who wants to talk about the weather in Vegas? Nobody. Because the answer is always going to be the same. It’s just mindless small talk. And he especially doesn’t want to talk about the weather the day after he got pulled for Nathan Peterman. What a fucking jackass this guy is.
A couple hours pass by and Derek Carr is about to go out to run a few errands around town. As he gets into his car, he sees Nathan Peterman’s car pull into the street. He thinks to himself, “huh, this is weird. Nate didn’t tell me he was swinging by today but I guess the kid just wants a few pointers from QB1″. But next thing you know, Peterman pulls into Gruden’s driveway. Jon comes outside and says, “Oh hey yeah sorry, Derek. I thought you’d be gone by now. I just invited Nate over to check out the new house is all. You could…you can come over too if you want”.
Derek politely declines the offer. He knows what this is all about. He knows that Gruden didn’t just invite Peterman over to give him the grand tour. They’re over there plotting. They’re over there working on a new game plan so that Peterman can take Derek Carr’s spot as QB1. So he decides to do some investigating. He waits a few minutes and then sneaks over to the window. He checks all inside the house but they’re nowhere to be found. Must be out back, he thinks to himself. So he sneaks around back and props himself up to be able to look over the fence. What does he see?
It’s Jon Gruden and Nathan Peterman in the pool. They’re practicing a synchronized swimming routine for a talent show coming up next week! They weren’t planning to takeaway Derek Carr’s spot as the starting quarterback. They were just synchronized swimming, is all! How whacky is that?? What will this zany Gruden character get into next? Find out next week on Raiders For Neighbors.