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Brandon Moore And His Ass Retire



ESPN – After reaching an agreement Tuesday night with the Dallas Cowboys, guard Brandon Moorehas decided to retire, according to a league source. Moore could not bring himself to get on a plane and leave his family and informed the Cowboys of his decision Wednesday morning. In deciding to retire, Moore passed up $2 million in 2013. He was to receive a $500,000 signing bonus, a base salary of $1.25 million, which was fully guaranteed, and a $250,000 play time bonus in his one-year contract. Moore, 33, played for offensive coordinator Bill Callahan for four years with the New York Jets. He spent his first 11 seasons with the Jets, starting 142 of 144 games in his career and every game since 2005. The Cowboys were interested in Moore because Nate Livings is expected to miss two to four weeks because of knee surgery last week and Mackenzy Bernadeaureturned to practice late last week after missing the first two-plus weeks with a hamstring injury. Moore was involved in the infamous “Butt Fumble” on Thanksgiving Night last season in a play in which Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez slid into Moore and the fumble was returned for a New England Patriots touchdown.

Brandon Moore was one of the more reliable guards in the NFL for the past decade plus. Only earned one trip to the Pro Bowl, but that doesn’t really tell the tale of his career. He was one of the most dependable guys you could ask for on your O line. In the past few years, when that Jets offensive live was a sieve, Brandon Moore was just about the only guy you could count on.

And none of that matters. None of it. Guy had like a 12 year career, 144 games. Didn’t miss a game in the past 7 years. And all he’ll ever be remembered for is being the ass that Mark Sanchez shoved his head inside. Today, the NFL says goodbye. Not to a man who spent his life protecting his teammates – but we say goodbye to the most infamous asshole in the history of the league. One half of the most notorious duo in football history. There will be a shrine of his cheeks in Canton, Ohio. His legacy will live on in perpetuity via ESPN’s Best of the Best. One day his grandkids will be able to relive his career highlight when The Butt Fumble is a 9,000 time winner. Goodnight, and good luck, Brandon Moore’s asshole. We’ll never forget you.

Seriously. It will never be forgotten.