Viewer Warning: There is a live birth in the video below. Umbilical cord and everything. No guts or private parts though. I wouldn’t do that to you guys as someone that preaches to #StayAboveTheWall during even your own kids’ childbirths.
I’ve always thought about how crazy it must be to drive a taxi in New York City. Instead of dealing with with the typical array of dickheads, weirdos, tourists, and everyday normal people while walking the garbage-filled streets of the give boroughs, you have to deal with them in tight quarters during a non-stop traffic jam. Throw a shitload of booze and drugs into the equation, and you then have a brief idea of what the night shifts are like.
Which I guess explains how this dude was able to stay cool as a fucking cucumber and going from pointing out how nice the new Highlander looks one minute to having the miracle of life pop out of a woman’s hoo hah in your backseat the next. I’m sure no medical board would approve terminology he used in the delivery like “Do the magic”. But he got her breathing, legs spread like mustard, and a warm blanket on that baby’s crying ass that came out wayyyy easier than I expected while also getting rid of what I imagine was the horrifying smell of childbirth without hurting any feelings by stealthily rolling down his window. If that’s not worthy of a 5 star review and roughly every dollar you have on you as a tip, I don’t know what is. But since this driver is drives a livery cab, there were no stars to be given. And since the proud new papa doesn’t share the same generous point of view that I do, neither was a tip.
NY Post- The Big Apple cabbie who calmly coached a woman through childbirth in the back of his car — and who didn’t even get a tip for his trouble — said he was left with a $190 cleanup bill.
But the father only covered the $30 fare, Leonardo said, and also left him to cover the $190 bill to clean the leather interior of his Toyota Highlander SUV birthing suite.
I know there are a lot of poor people in New York and a lot of assholes as well. But you have to be a special type of poor asshole not to give a guy that just helped deliver your child while delivering you to the hospital a few bucks for the assistance let alone the nightmare of human fluids on his backseat.
Then again, this driver either has a knack at picking up people that are ready to pop or drives like a fucking lunatic that causes babies to jump out the emergency exit.
The 440 Car Service driver helped deliver two boys in 2014 when different women went into labor in his back seat, adding that those births were “messier.”
Which leads me to my final point. I’m sure this cab driver will get a few bucks thrown his way during his 15 minutes of fame because his passenger cheaped out. But I’m thinking something a bit more sustainable. Is there a way we can get this guy his own gameshow? Think Cash Cab but with pregnant women popping out kids in the back seat. Tell me you wouldn’t watch a husband and wife try to figure out who the 21st President of the United States was amidst labor screams as their little baby starts to crown. By publishing this blog, I have trademarked this idea, so don’t even think about stealing it. And if you didn’t already know who the 21st President was, you clearly have never watched one of the great classics in American cinematic history.