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I Don't Want To Live In A World Where It's Illegal To Steal Cookies Whilst Wearing A Cookie Monster Shirt

Source – By the time Forest Grove police officers arrived at a convenience store, the man they were looking for had already left. All they knew was that he was wearing a Cookie Monster shirt.

The store clerk told them the suspect came to the store in the middle of the night last week, gobbled down half a package of cookies and didn’t pay. The trail had gone cold, but investigators caught a break the next day when the suspect went to police headquarters to confess, police said.

The unidentified man told police he had taken a cookie without paying but claimed it was all a misunderstanding. Officers weren’t buying it and gave him a citation for third-degree theft.

Oh I’m sorry. I thought this was America. And here in America, don’t we always try to tell kids that they can be whatever they want to be when they grow up? So doesn’t it seem pretty un-American to hand this man a citation just for the crime of chasing his dreams and trying to become Cookie Monster? If we start making it illegal to try to accomplish your dreams, well then what makes us any different than a place like Russia? Nothing at all, I’d suppose.

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So you’re damn right this was just a misunderstanding. The man went into the convenience store, crushed a couple of cookies, got out of there, and the only misunderstanding is that the store clerk and the power hungry cops just don’t know what it means to have hopes and dreams and aspirations in life. And if that’s the world that we live in now? Well then that’s just super unfortunate. I thought we’d be better than that by now.

P.S. – Everyone who wore this hat in middle school and/or high school is in jail now.

cookie-monster-hat

@BarstoolJordie