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Nigeria's Army Says the Key to Defeating Terrorism is Golfing More

Golf

SourcePlaying golf is a form of training that can help the armed forces tackle insecurity in Nigeria fueled by Boko Haram, the highest-ranking military officer of the African country’s army argued over the weekend.

Lt. General Tukur Buratai, the chief of the Army Staff, encouraged Nigerian troops to spend more time at the golf course. Currently, the Nigerian military is struggling to defeat Boko Haram and its Islamic State (ISIS/ISIL) offshoot.

The general’s remarks came as Boko Haram killed up to 70 people who attended at a funeral on Saturday in northeastern Nigeria’s Borno state, the birthplace of the terrorist group.

On Monday, Premium Times cited Buratai as making an argument in favor of golf hours as a form of military training at the commissioning of the remodeled Rhino Golf Club of the Armored Division of the Nigerian Army …  to further “encourage Nigerian Army officers to register as members.”

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The general contended that “soldiers’ fitness could be fully kept through the regular playing of golf. He said it could also add the value of patience among soldiers and self-improvement in the discharge of military activities,” Premium Times noted.

Gen. Buratai explicitly said, “The game of golf is all about ethics and tradition just as the Nigeria Army. It is a game that brings people of all works of life together. I always tell people that no game can surpass golf because the game has nothing to do with age.”

OK, well there you have it. Right from the experts. The key to winning the War on Terror isn’t training, surveillance, elite troops, better weaponry, isolating the groups, cutting off their funding or winning the hearts and minds of the population. It’s golf.

Assuming this wasn’t lost in translation and Lt. Gen. Buratai wasn’t actually saying golf is the best way to stay fit in Boca Raton, this is the best thing that’s happened to the fight against Boko Haram since they named Wolf Cola their official soft drink:

Regardless, this is good news. All this time I’ve been pretty sitting back and letting other, better, braver people than me take the fight to these terror groups. Now thanks to the Nigerian Army brass, I finally can get in the fight.

Every time I tie on my spikes and start stretching in the parking lot, I’m doing my part to stay in shape if the Nigerians ever need me. Every time I strap my bag into the back of the cart and slip a cooler into the basket, I’m standing with my brothers in arms overseas. When I light up a cigar, I light it for them. And those valorous men no longer have to climb ropes on the obstacle course, run up mountains or go on 20 mile hikes to bivouac in the middle of the wilderness. A simple 18 at the Rhino club is all they need to stay in peak condition.

Not to mention how great this is for married guys. I’m no longer hitting the links just to get out of the house and get drunk with my idiot buddies. I’m doing my part to stop Boko Haram. And the Irish Rose can’t complain because she’s either with me, or she’s with the terrorists.

Fore, bitches. Me and the Nigerian Army are falling back on superior firepower and superior intelligence. And that’s all she wrote.