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You Know You're Not Above Watching This Documentary About A Guy Banging A Dolphin

NYPOST – This tale sounds a bit fishy. In a documentary movie that premiered at Utah’s Slamdance Film Festival last week, a man details his year-long affair with a dolphin. No word yet on when “Dolphin Lover” will be coming to a theater — or aquarium — near you. Malcolm Brenner, now 63, says he was working as a photographer at Sarasota theme park Floridaland in 1971 when he met Dolly, a female dolphin. He tried to remain pure, he claims, but Dolly seduced him. “At first I discouraged her, I wasn’t interested,” Brenner says in the movie. “After some time I thought, ‘If this was a woman would I come up with these rationalizations and excuses?’ In “Dolphin Love,” a documentary movie that premiered at Utah’s Slamdance Film Festival, Malcolm Brenner details his year-long affair with a dolphin. He finally succumbed to the dolphin’s advances.

You know you’re not above watching it, and neither am I. It couldn’t be any worse than watching a teenage boy facefuck a puffer fish (or so I’ve heard). If anything I’d like to know how in the fuck someone can get seduced by a dolphin? I can’t get even get someone to make eye contact with my ugly mug at a bar and Casanova here is already conquering other species. But the Flipper fluffer better beware. If this was grade-A dolphin rape then America will have his heart on a plate. Hey, I didn’t think Blackfish would affect me as much as it did. You know me, I’m all about having fun. You know, get a couple of cocktails in me, start a fire in someone’s kitchen. Maybe go to SeaWorld, take my pants off. Nope. Not anymore. I care more about those Orca’s than most of the members in my own family.

And there you have it. Real life people banging sea animals. Somewhere, Troy McClure is smiling in his grave.