People Are Now Planning On Storming Loch Ness To Find Nessie The Day After The Area 51 Raid


Facebook users are on a mission to confirm the world’s most popular myths.

Weeks after “Storm Area 51″ gained national headlines, a man named Bryan Richards created another group that aims to prove the existence of the Loch Ness Monster, aka Nessie. The event, which is titled “Storm Loch Ness, Nessie can’t hide from us all,”has garnered more than 24,000 RSVPs as of Wednesday afternoon. It is scheduled to go down at the popular Scottish lake on Sept. 21—one day after the Area 51 invasion will reportedly take place.

“The time is now for us to find dat big boi,” the event’s description reads.

The Royal National Lifeboat Institution (RNLI) told the BBC that “Storm Loch Ness” will not pose as many hazards as “Storm Area 51″ because the military isn’t involved and the lake is open to the public; however, a RNLI spokesperson cautioned that there were still risks involved.

“Our Atlantic 85 lifeboat has an impressive survivor-carrying capacity, but even that will be stretched by the ‘attendees’ of this event,” the spokesperson said.

She then laid out a few facts about the body of water, which is one of the biggest in the British Isles: It is at 22 miles in length, over 750 feet deep, has a water temperature of about 43 degree Fahrenheit, and can produce waves up to 13 feet high.

So this is the new thing apparently:  Millenials storming places that may or may not possess mythical beings.  Huh.  Got it.  I mean I’m as big an alien or folk legend guy as the next person, but if we need 24,000+ people to find the Loch Ness Monster our future is in BIG trouble.  If I had the will to travel to northern Scotland I’d find the Loch Ness Monster in about 30 mins tops.  You know how?  Because all I’d need is this…

…about tree fitty

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That’s it.  That’s all ya gotta do to catch Nessie.  Just walk around Loch Ness with tree fitty in your pocket and the next thing you know you’ll stumble upon a crustacean that’s 8 stories tall from the Paleolithic Era.

It’s almost as if these losers don’t even watch TV, because obviously if they did they’d know that Nessie just needs a little spare change and he’ll walk right up to you and let you rub his belly.  He’s a good guy by all accounts.  Monster schmonster.


This is just one more tally on a long list of reasons I don’t identify with millennials.  1. I don’t find everything under the sun racist and 344693. I LOVE watching TV.  It might just be my favorite thing on earth to do.  That’s how I know it’s as easy as can be to catch Nessie.

PS – real talk a few weeks back someone claimed to film not one, but TWO Nessies a few weeks back:

Musta had about seven bucks on him