Scientists: "Beards Are Full Of Straight Up Grimy Ass Doo-Doo Nuggets"

Chaps, Jeff D. Lowe, Big Ev, $20 Chef, PFT, Feits, Marty Mush, Nate and others all probably have straight up grimy ass doo-doo nuggets in their beards, according to the latest news from science.

The Mother Nature Network reports:

TV station KOAT in Albuquerque had a microbiologist swab the beards of some hirsute volunteers. He found that several of them contained normal bacteria — things you'd find on everyday surfaces. Beards, after all, are kind of like nets you wear on your face, trapping any number of things. But some of the tested beards contained more ominous bacteria. They held germs similar to the fecal matter you'd find in and around a toilet. “I'm usually not surprised, and I was surprised by this,” said Quest Diagnostics microbiologist John Golobic, who did the testing. Golobic said the types of bacteria found wouldn't necessarily be dangerous, but they would be of some health concern. "There would be a degree of uncleanliness that would be somewhat disturbing," he said. Golobic suggests men scrub their beards on a regular basis, wash their hands often, and try to keep their hands away from their faces as much as possible. If a city were to find similar contaminated samples in the water system, Golobic said the system would be shut down for disinfecting.

I love Chaps like a brother and spend a good amount of time with the guy, so it pains me to say I believe this news is true. Several times now I've compared the mysterious clumps on his glasses to a big rig windshield that's just driven full speed through a locust swarm, and there's definitely been crusties danglin' on that beard. But thankfully I'm a good person & I'd never point these things out, and I've never let anything like that bother me, or let that get in the way of his incredible creativity as a work partner, especially the day before his birthday.


Speaking of my grimy ass doo-doo-nugget-in-his-beard-head-havin'-ass friend & his birthday, you can give him the gift of liking & subscribing to ZeroBlog30, Barstool's military podcast FOR EVERYONE! Tomorrow we have special guest Trace Adkins & we asked him some hard hitting questions about Honky Tonk Badonkadonks. Check it out!!