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I Neither Trust Nor Like This "Zombie Cat" Who Came Back To Life 5 Days After Being Buried

Fox TampaIf there are any questions about cats having nine lives, look no further than the story one man is telling the Humane Society of Tampa Bay. He says his beloved cat, Bart, was hit by a vehicle and left for dead in the road. Ellis Hutson said he even knows the exact spot where he buried the cat. But somehow, he says, Bart dug its way out of the ground and wound up in his neighbor’s front yard days later – alive.

To be fair, I would love Bart if he were a dog. But he’s not, so he doesn’t get the benefit of the doubt here. Now I can respect this cat. I can respect it’s hustle and determination to survive. If I got hit by a car, wasn’t 100% dead yet but someone still buried me, I’d probably just have to give up anyway. Because no chance in hell could I ‘Kill Bill’ my way to the surface again. I’d just have to pray for a quick death. But this cat didn’t give up his fight, and that’s cool. But not a fucking chance in the world could I ever trust or like this thing. That is a certified zombie for all I’m concerned and if there’s anything I’ve learned about zombies throughout the years, it’s that you kill those sons of bitches and you have to kill them twice. Regular cats are awful and disgusting enough as is. Just imagine how terrible a cat that’s been dead for 5 days and now has resurrected himself to eat your brains would be. Which leads me to my next point. Why in the balls would the owner ever even consider keeping this thing?

Same thing I said about cats applies to cat people. Regular cat people are awful and disgusting enough as is. But just imagine someone who willingly keeps a zombie cat and whose immediate instinct isn’t to kill it with fire. Now before PETA gets all up in my shit, I’m not saying you should light cats on fire. But there’s a distinction here between cats and zombie cats. It’s a small distinction, sure, but a difference nonetheless. And zombie cats need to be killed with fire. End of story. This whole scenario is just blowing my mind right now.