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I'm Now Offering Free Group Therapy Blog Sessions For Chicago Cubs Fans

Well this is awkward.

Two days ago I wrote a blog that looked like this:

Screen Shot 2019-07-24 at 7.24.39 AM

Cubs fans were excited. Some would even say jubilated before getting stuffed in a locker. And for good reason: the Cubs had gone 9-2 since July 4th, which followed an 0-3 start to July. Cubs’ fans everywhere had rebounded and it looked like July would be the perfect month to get back on track after a v pedestrian 14-15 June.

Just Look At That Meat:

Screen Shot 2019-07-24 at 7.40.58 AMThat’s so juicy and the reason Cubs fans were going bananas for the last 2 weeks. Easy to get distracted with all the cupsanke jazz going on but if you back up in July it’s actually not that tight:

Screen Shot 2019-07-24 at 7.53.14 AMAny time you lose 3+ games in a row you’re going to fuck with the fanbase and most certainly the 1st place standings. More importantly though, you basically put a buzzsaw to any momentum and as we’ve learned with this club, momentum is our best friend. Each win grows the team stronger, each loss makes us more restless.


Ideally, everyone just calms down and I mean everyone. Ball boys, bullpen arms, hot dog vendors, your girlfriend’s dad on facebook. Literally everyone around this team needs to calm the fuck down. Here’s a couple reasons:


Don’t change it Joe.

Since July 4th, 234 of Javy-KB-Rizzo is 60/164 = .366 batting average with 26 extra-base hits and 38 runs scored in 14 games with a BABIP well over .400.

In other words, 234 is absolutely murdering opposing pitchers so again repeat after me.

Don’t change it Joe.

Heyward’s Back

For the last 3 years all Cubs’ fans have done is bitch about IF JASON HEYWARD WAS JUST AVERAGE. 

Well now he’s having BY FAR his best season as a Cub and that’s with diminishing returns defensively – something you can loosely chalk up to him playing over 1/3 of his innings in CF this year.

Regardless, moving through the rest of the season would you agree that having Jason Heyward at historical average is far more important to the club than picking up a 4th reliable bullpen arm?

Strop Isn’t That Bad


People treat him like he hasn’t been fucking nails on the north side since 2014. People treat him like he didn’t get his hamstring ripped off his leg last year running to first base in Milwaukee. People think he’s CJ Edwards or some guy off the street we just traded for.

Ladies and Gentlemen.

That’s Pedro Fucking Strop.

That’s the source of so much late inning energy and pride, and he’s been here longer than anyone not named Anthony Rizzo so do everyone a favor and show some goddamn respect around here.

Yes, he’s struggled in 2019 and we haven’t seen that lockdown, fuck you slider. But at the end of the day, I will die on whatever proverbial hill Pedro Strop wants to lead me up. I’m not about to kick him aside to bring in some reliever with a 4.00 something ERA and good stuff. That’s stupid and the more I think about Strop and the way Cubs fans want to talk about him, the more upset I get.

You guys are all assholes. If the club is going to be worth a shit when it matters, you’re going to need Pedro Strop to share the load with Kintzler. Historically speaking Strop has ALWAYS done that over 162 with the Cubs so why are you selling him down the river now?

Oh that’s right. I forget.

You’re drunk on the 2015 – present success and have no clue how to judge a baseball team or player on a day-to-day basis because of it.

Joe Maddon

He’s going to Cooperstown when it’s all said and done so my advice would be to support him more than you question him. Seriously. The guy is good and he knows his players. Put some stock in the fact that he doesn’t feel the same pressure you do looking at the schedule. Put stock in him knowing how to run a baseball team.

Yes the Cubs are the worst NL team on the road but that’s as much a function as playing at Wrigley as it is the leadership. I mean if you have to put that blame somewhere it goes to Joe but really what are you going to say to him.

The division is hard?

Your schedule sucks?

You played 51 games in 52 days before the All Star Break?

Your last 3+ game road series against a team more than 2 games under .500 was on April 15th against the Marlins?

Ultimately it’s not Joe throwing the pitches and swinging at shit so my advice is to appropriate your blame appropriately. I would also stress that if you had to lose a fight, I want to lose it with Joe Maddon and often times that’s how I rationalize my love for this team. Pick the guys you’re willing to go down with then roll up your sleeves and love them til it hurts. Until you get to that point though, stop your fucking whining. We got a game today.