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I Heard A Rumor That Mike Trout And Jesus Christ Are Brothers

Screen Shot 2019-07-24 at 10.42.34 AMI’m not sure if the rumor is true but it’s worth teasing out because honestly I wouldn’t be surprised at this point.

Let’s lead with a graph from last night’s Dodgers Angels game:

261 feet is from your own goalline to the opponents 13 and as you see below Mike’s gonna put that hummer on a goddamn rope


I’m cleaning my shorts for several reasons. (a) That’s a hose piece. (b) Mike Trout’s already the best offensive player of my life time. (c) No one talks about his arm. (d) No one has all the tools like Mike.

No one:

To be clear, that’s 454 feet against an 85mph cutter/slider on the outside corner of the strikezone. A great hitter would drill a double in the right center gap. An average hitter would roll over to shortstop or take the pitch. A shitty hitter would bounce to second or miss entirely. And then there’s Mike Trout, basically the only guy in my mind that can put that pitch into the stratosphere.

More amazing is that Trout now has 33 home runs on the year, which leads baseball. He also leads MLB in walks, RBI, OBP, SLG, OPS, OPS+, total bases and intentional walks for the 3rd year in a row.

Also amazing is his July. Some would even call it historic before remembering that we’re talking about Mike Trout and that this is actually just how good he is on a regular basis:

Mike Trout July:

.302/ .406/ .981 in 64 plate appearances

11 home runs = 17.2% chance he hits a home run each time he gets in the box

9 walks vs. 10 strikeouts

15 runs

52 total bases in 14 games = think of it like averaging 4 singles or 2 doubles or 1 triple/single or 1 home run per game

39% better than normal offensively

For context, Javy Baez is also considered very very good at baseball. He’s got 0 walks in July against 22 strikeouts. I want you guys saying WOW CARL THAT’S AMAZING

It is. Everything about Mike Trout is amazing. Even at his worst he’s getting on base at a near .400 clip.


Alright now everyone gets a 5-year head start…


This is why I need Adam Silver to flip flop with Rob Manfred and run MLB for a few years. Not forever. We’ll give Adam back to the NBA. We just need his brain and manipulation tactics to get Mike Trout in Boston, New York or Chicago. As a baseball fan first, Cubs fan second, I don’t give a shit where he goes. I just want the rest of the world to get a chance to witness him because we’re honestly talking MJ/Tiger Woods/__________ level status of peer-group domination. Just a damn shame no one really cares.