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Worst Person Wednesdays: Disney Adults


Listen, I’m a weird guy through and through, but being in your late 40’s and funding 3 trips to Disney World a year puts me to shame. Sure it’s a magical place and all, but how many times can we let a grown man ride shotgun on Splash Mountain solo before we’re all saying “we should’ve known” one day down the line? The red flags are there, but no one wants to raise them.

The Disney Seniors caught my eye this Wednesday because of this gem getting tossed around on the book of faces earlier:

WGN — Authorities say a 23-year-old tourist from Chicago punched a worker in the face when her FastPass wasn’t valid for the Tower of Terror ride at Disney’s Hollywood Studios. The Orlando Sentinel reports the woman started pushing buttons on the podium that could have affected the ride. When the employee pushed her hand away, the woman punched her in the face. Disney officials tell the Sentinel they issued a lifetime ban on the woman. The worker didn’t want to press charges and the woman wasn’t arrested.

It takes a special someone to get exiled from a Disney theme park. Especially if you were sober. There’s really no excuse for that then. Walt’s frozen head itself would be weirded out by such.

To be fair, we don’t know all the details here. If the Disney employee was just smiling the whole time and giving her the “I understand your frustration, but it’s hard to talk when you’re yelling” shtick, then I may empathize. Still, Disney Chick is  gonna pull up to the kingdom a couple years down the road like Liam Neeson at Marco of Tripoja’s—“…you don’t remember me.” A true Disney Geriatric would come back and Gladiator the place after such an ostracizing. I know this girl is only 23, but this is like the puberty phase for a soon to be fully-developed Disney Adult. First you’re whacking Tower of Terror elevator operators, next you’re sneaking a urn of ashes into the Small World. (People forget that people do that.)

At the end of the day, who am I to judge. If you wanna watch Frozen and get low to Radio Disney all day then you’ve come to the right country. All I’m saying is to try leaving it out of the ‘About Me’ section before catching a pre-criminal activity charge. But if you’re still staying for the parade and find yourself on a first name basis with Tigger then it may be time to take a step back. Hang up the mouse ears already.

Send me your WPWs @DannyJConrad.