St. Patrick's Day Collection | T-Shirts, Hoodies, Crewnecks, Hats, FlagsSHOP NOW

Whoever Is Buying This Beast Mode Sausage Should Probably Stop For Humanity's Sake


Seattle - At Blue Max Meats, where they throw football-shaped sausages like a fish monger, they’re making fresh batches of Beast Mode pork sausage. The sausage is made with Skittles, which Lynch is known for eating on the sidelines during games. “The Skittles, instead of being hard when we throw them in there, they break down in the cooking process and give you a really sweet flavor as you bite into it,” said Evan Greco of Blue Max Meats. The company has been making the smoked sausage since last year’s Super Bowl. “We had such a high demand from the Super Bowl that we’ve made it all throughout the year,” Greco said.

Um….why? Whoever is playing God here should watch their back. Meat and Skittles are a deadly and blasphemous concoction. Actually, anytime sugar is combined with anything that’s ever bled sounds absolutely revolting. If it wasn’t then we’d be eating steak covered with Pixie Sticks for breakfast. If there’s one thing this country does it’s not shy away from delicious foods no matter how deadly, and Beast Mode Sausage can’t be good for society. Keep this shit away from America unless you’re competing for gold in the Diabetic Olympics.

Beast Mode 2.0, however, seems right up the alley. Lynch probably already has an acre growing outside his home for halftime use alone.