Ed Sheeran Drops $5MM On Neighbors Houses To Stop Them From Bitching About The Noise He Makes


Ed Sheeran has bought two houses next door to his £19.8million mansion in Londonin a bid to stop neighbours complaining about the noise.

The megastar snapped up the properties after recently becoming aware that they were available following grumblings about ‘loud music and parties’.

He has also bought a flat above his trendy Notting Hill restaurant amid concerns that it could become an issue for the business venture.

In total it is believed the singer, 28, has spent £4million on the two properties near his London home and the small flat above the eaterie, which he acquired last year.

Look, I fucking hate Ed Sheeran.  I hate him because he’s ugly af but probably slays box at a rate that would make Son of Sam proud.  I hate him because he has the voice of an angel.  But mostly

And now he’s dropping millions of dollars on neighboring houses solely for the fact that he was sick and tired of them bitching about him being too loud during his jam sessions and (probably) orgies.  Goddamnit I hate his guts.

It’s my dream to have ‘fuck you’ money.  The only problem is I’m short, fat, ugly, and talentless.  I mean sure I can throw 91mph with a crow hop at a White Sox game which is in the 95th percentile of arm strength and can run marathons in 5 hours, 25 mins and 36 seconds which 1% of 1% of people can do, but those things aren’t putting food on my table or women in my bed.  I basically have to win the lottery that I rarely play anyways. Just fall face first into money.  I can’t even rely on an inheritance even.  Totally sucks.


And you know what my first move would be if I had fuck you money?  I’d find out who the chef was at Leghorn Chicken on Western and Augusta and pay him to make me chicken tenders every day.  Nashville hot of course.  That place closed down about 2 months ago and it was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.  I was distraught.  All I want are some goddamn chicken tenders.  Is that too much to ask?  And nobody else would get to eat them either, only me.  It’d be like when Cartman won the $1,000,000 and bought the amusement park and wouldn’t let anyone else in.  JUST like that.  If you are rich you can stop acting like you can care about other people.  One of the many ancillary benefits of having a fuck ton of money at your disposal.

So when I read that he’s just all like “fuck it.  Buy the neighbors’ houses.  The show must go on” steam flies out of my ears and my face turns red with rage.  Fucking asshole.  Why can’t that be me? Fuck you Ed Sheeran.  That should be ME buying houses and jamming out with instagram models running around in scantily clad bikinis everywhere (probably).  Not you.  ME.