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Remembering A Legend: Hero Canadian Goalie Breaks Into A Beer Store In Full Gear To Grab Some Bevies Ferda Boys

Alright so it’s Thursday, it’s the middle of the summer, and there’s really not a ton of other news going on in the world of sports right now. Also–I’m currently on an RV driving to South Carolina for a wedding so my Wi-Fi situation is absolute shit. Which means that it’s time for a throwback post to one of the greatest criminals in world history. Just an ultimate #BigTeamGuy move here. Absolute legend.


A break-in occurred again at the Russell C-Store Beer Vendor. The video surveillance caught a man entering the store wearing a ball cap and his face covered. Shortly after….a goalie, yes a goalie, entered the store to assist the first man in carrying away several cases of beer. He was described as having a medium build, wearing goalie pads, blocker and trapper, and carrying a goalie stick. He was ready to play. Too bad there weren’t any refs, as they would have thrown this thieving goalie in the penalty box for a while! The RCMP have never seen a disguise like this before! Police are reviewing surveillance and investigations are ongoing. 

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We’ve all been there before. You have a beer league game just about to start and that jackass Tommy forgot that it was his turn to supply the beer again. You already have all your gear on but it’s not like you can go out there and play without a case on the bench. Everybody plays better when they have a little buzz going. That’s a scientifically proven fact. So what do you do? You send the goalie down to Russell C-Store Beer Vendor to grab a few cases and worst case scenario is that he misses warm-ups. It doesn’t really matter anyway because he’s a sieve and would let in the first shot of the game whether he warmed up for an hour ahead of time or just stepped in as soon as the puck was dropped. Only this time, your dumbass goalie forgot to bring his wallet with him to the C-Store. But being the team guy that he is, he’s not going to show back up to the rink empty hand. And voila, that’s how you end up with a goalie wearing full pads robbing a beer store in Canada. And just look at buddy go here. Truly willing to do whatever it takes to get his team the win.

A couple closing remarks here. 1) This certainly doesn’t help goalies’ image of being the biggest group of lunatics the world has to offer. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it a thousand more times. You can never trust a goalie. They are bizarro creatures. They voluntarily get hit with shots for fun and I’m still yet to meet a normal goalie in my 24 years of living. 2) Never saw this video before but shoutout to r/hockey for bringing it to my attention. 100% Lee Worley is behind this. We need to dig up his records and pin him down as suspect #1 in the investigations.

@BarstoolJordie