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I Used To Lie About The Amount Of Books I Read In Order To Get A Free Personal Pan Pizza Via The BOOK IT System: MY COLUMN

In my day, I used to love to lie. I would lie lie lie about damn near anything. How many hits did I get in a baseball game? 7. That was a lie. How many yards could I throw a football? 48. That was a lie. I’d lie about things that didn’t make any sense when there wasn’t anything to be gained except for the clout. So, needless to say, when there was a delicious personal pan pizza up for grabs, you can bet your sweet, sweet cheeks that I was lying my dick off.

How’d I do it?

Thanks for asking. What I would do is I’d go to the library during lunchtime 3 to 4 days before the BOOK IT! szn was over. I’d start writing down the names of oddball books that I knew no one had read. Charlie Takes A Ride. Old Yeller. Catcher In The Rye. 1984. I mean, who wants to read a history book about history that was only 7 years ago? Get that book outta my face. I’d write down the title though and then Id go home with a list of 20 titles of books I hadnt read. When my dad was drunk off of the ole booze, Id get him to sign the paper and in just a two short weeks, I was eating a personal pan. Easy as that.

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When I told Kate about that practice on Zero Blog Thirty, she was aghast. Aghastistan is where her brain lived as soon as I confessed to my pizza plan. She thinks we should bring back Book It for a much different reason.

Give the episode a listen to find out why.