BREAKING: Chance The Snapper Has Been Captured

I am sure Eddie and intern DC will have more on Chance The Snapper’s capture as this story continues. Just an all-time run by a fugative. Best in Chicago since Doctor Richard Kimble. I am sad he’s captured. I wanted to see if he could be the first gator since Alex Brown to thrive in Bear weather this winter. For now though it sounds like Chance is being transported to a local zoo where he can be treated by a reptile vet. Thanks to Chance for not eating dogs and children and sticking to a diet of just bull frogs that nobody really cares about. You were a great addition to the news cycle in July when there is absolutely nothing to talk about.

As for Alligator Bob…get the fuck out of here. Your name is Robert now. Had to bring in a guy from Florida and he had Chance in chains within like 36 hours.