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This Priest Wants His Beef Hot Wet & Dipped

Listen idk where this came from but gun to my head I’m saying south of Moscow, east of Rome and north of Hell. Outside of that I got no fuckin clue. Serbia? Azerbaijan? Evergreen Park?

Point is you can’t just throw a baby around in 2019 and get away with it unless you’re cloaked in the protection Of The Almighty Father Creator Of Heaven And Earth. And whether or not that’s really true I just want to pivot and talk about baptisms for a second.

Your sister just had a baby. You’re decently close with the brother in law who is always talking about going to sporting events together but never actually invites you. They had a girl. Your dad was really hoping for a boy but he’ll get over it. You’re not the godfather but obviously you’re going to the baptism. Only question you have is khakis or suit. Play big or stay home. You go khakis because at the end of the day it’s still church and really all that matters is the postgame spread. It’s your first baptism in awhile so you’re thinking one of those nice luncheons at Maggiano’s will follow but actually you’re doing cold cuts and a Jewel fruit tray in your dad’s garage because baptisms suck.