Satan Worshippers Claim To Have Turned The Westboro Church Leader's Dead Mother Gay

Vice – The Satanic Temple, a burgeoning community of worship devoted to the Dark Lord, has performed a “Pink Mass” over the grave of Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps Jr.’s mother. The Pink Mass is a Satanic ritual performed after death that turns the deceased’s straight spirit into a homo one—it’s not unlike the Mormon practice of baptizing the dead, only much gayer.  On Sunday the Satanic Temple, which first came into the national spotlight last January when the organizationannounced its support for Florida Governor Rick Scott, went to the Phelps family graveyard in Mississippi to perform the ritual. (Two Pink Masses were performed, one with a female couple and another with men.) I contacted Lucien Greaves, the Temple’s spokesperson and officiator of the ceremony, to find out what exactly the Pink Mass entials. While he didn’t get into specifics, he told told me via email that “there were, in fact, scriptures recited, candles lit, and a ceremonial proceeding that we may eventually post the details of at our website, westboro-baptist.com. That is, if the Pink Mass generates sufficient interest to the point that other responsible parties, respectful of the graveyard, wish to perform their own.” Now the spirit of Catherine Idalette Johnston is officially into other chicks, meaning her gravesite is a viable target for one of her son’s “God hates fags” protests. Lucien told me, “We believe that Fred Phelps is obligated to believe that his mother is now gay in the afterlife. Further, if beliefs are inviolable rights, nobody has the right to challenge our right to believe that Fred Phelps believes that his mother is now gay.”

I don’t practice Santaria but I’m pretty sure having a bunch of gayballs and lezbos make out on top of your grave would absolutely turn your corpse gay. I definitely can’t see how a ceremony like that would make you any straighter, thats for certain. So that’s that, Fred Phelps. Your dead mom is a fag now. How do you like them apples?

On a related note, how big a fucking scumbag do you and your organization have to be for the DEVIL WORSHIPPERS to hate you? These people praise SATAN. The Prince of Darkness. Lord of Evil. And even they’re like “This guy is a fucking dickhead.” Thats a new low for the Westboro Baptist Church. And you gotta love the Satanic Temple flipping the Westboro Rules right back in Fred Phelps’ face. We believe your dead mother is gay as fuck, and just like you guys preach, nobody can challenge our beliefs. We believe your mother is 69’ing in the afterlife right now eating some dead chick’s pussy. Where’s your picket line now dude?

PS – If Fred Phelps really was committed he would go over the top on these gay Satan Worshippers and protest his own mother’s grave. Like Clayton Bigsby. “Tell him that he’s black, he would probably kill himself. His commitment is that deep.” Thats what Fred Phelps needs to do here if he wants Westboro to still be the greatest trolls on earth. Tell him his dead mother is gay, and he’ll protest her grave. His commitment is that deep.”