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The NYC Bagel Dwarf* Is Literally My Favorite Guy In America Right Now

So by now everybody has seen the video of the Bagel Dwarf* going absolutely nuts in in the bagel shop yesterday. I literally watched it 1,000 times. I kept picturing him going around the city doing this same exact routine. Just getting pissed about somebody making weird eye contact with him and then going nuts until he gets bundled and then he gets up and does it all over again.

Well not surprisingly that is EXACTLY what he does. There are more videos of him just going ballistic when somebody makes a comment about his height. I love him telling the cops it’s a hate crime. It’s like Larry David and the Bald Asshole episode. I think I need to hire this dwarf.* I mean imagine the non stop content if I just sent him into the world every morning to buy coffees and bagels and just have a cameraman follow him? The best part is that it’s not staged either. If he even senses somebody getting ready to make fun of his height he literally flips a switch and goes bananas. Dwarfs* like these don’t grow on trees. I know I already have one midget on Team Portnoy but the only thing better than one midget is two. Especially when one of them is the most electric guy on the internet right now.

*the legal definition of a dwarf is 4’10 and under. This guy claims to be 4’11 so technically he isn’t a dwarf.