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Does This Look Like the Face of a 64-Year-Old Who Plead Guilty to Groping a Waiter?

Cougar

SourceThe 64-year-old woman arrested for groping and grinding on a younger man outside a restaurant in a Florida retirement community has cut a plea deal in connection with her unwanted sexual advances, according to court records.

Marrian Ann Zambrano pleaded no contest this week to a reduced charge of disorderly conduct and was ordered to pay $303 in court costs … for her interation last year with a worker at a seafood restaurant in The Villlages, the country’s largest retirement community.

As detailed in an arrest report, the victim told police that Zambrano, who appeared intoxicated, approached him outside of the R.J. Gator’s restaurant and “grabbed him by his ‘crotch’ and began touching him in that area.” The man told cops that it felt like Zambrano “was trying to lower his pants” during the 7:45 PM encounter.

Zambrano, the man said, was also “trying to dance on him, during which time she rubbed her breasts and body against his person.” Mid-grind, Zambrano asked the man “to come home with her,” police reported. The victim, who declined Zambrano’s invitation, said she also hugged him, kissed his neck, and whispered in his ear.

A pair of witnesses corroborated the man’s account, according to the arrest report, which notes that a surveillance camera recorded Zambrano “hugging the victim and apparently kissing his neck.” At the time, cops added, the man “did have his hands slightly up and did not touch” Zambrano.

I cannot stress this enough: No means no. Whether the aggressor is Harvey Weinstein or some drunken fratboy or a 64-year-old lady. A server from the shrimp shack at Florida retirement village has every right to expect to do his job without having some randy Cougar all up in his business while he’s hustling for tips.

That said, I’d say lowered charges and a $303 fine are appropriate in this case. A good judge considers all the facts, including the background of the accused, when accepting a plea deal. And I feel as though this judge nailed it.

I’m not usually one to have a lot of sympathy for the guilty party. But Marrian Ann Zambrano isn’t some creep driving a primered van filled with candy and comic books. She’s not Herbert from “Family Guy.” She’s a vibrant, sexually active woman with needs, wants and desires who’s still got her looks. She’s not a sex offender. She’s Betty White in that “Golden Girls” where she brought the guy home and banged him to death. Except this time the guy was much younger and just wanted to keep bringing plates of broiled Red Snapper hold the bread crumbs and butter on the side and another round of Old Fashioneds to people who are standing in their own graves.

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I mean, consider Mariann’s situation. I’ve done a few book signings (Cha-Ching) at these upscale assisted living places. Because they pay and the elderly love to read and they love anyone who’ll come in and talk to them about anything besides estate planning. And the staff at these places all say the same thing: Penis medicines have been a total game-changer. Instead of places like The Villages being the place you go to die, they’re now the places you go to live like you never lived before. They’re the Playboy mansion circa 1976. Just debauchery from one end of the hallway to the other. The problem for the Marianns of the world is the women far outnumber the men because they live longer. So a hot, older woman like her has to go outside the walls of the building to find enough partners to keep her satisfied.

Is it a crime to rub your 64-year-old rack against a man and grab his junk against his wishes? Yes. Can we all see where she’s coming from? We should. Misdemeanor crime. A fine that will be about half of her next Social Security check. Bang the gavel. Call the next case. Somebody find this woman a guy in his 60s who can keep up with her. If that’s at all possible.