Dear Stoners: Your Pot-Laced Poop Is Getting A Bunch Of Dogs In Colorado High
Aspen Times – Dogs in the Roaring Fork Valley have found another way to get stoned other than the boring break-in of edibles at home: They are eating human feces tainted with marijuana.
Dr. Scott Dolginow, who owns Valley Emergency Pet Care in Basalt, said he is seeing anywhere between three and 10 dogs a week that come in with marijuana toxicity.
His working theory is that these dogs are eating human feces that have enough THC, the psychoactive ingredient in marijuana, in it to carry over for a second high. And they are finding these piles of pot-laced poop on trails and in campgrounds.
Hey, stoners. How about you hippy bastards all go out there and get yourself a job, become a contributing member of society, and quit shitting outside for all these dogs to eat and get high off of. Is that so much to ask for? For Christ’s sake, man. All we ask is that you not rip a few hits from the bong before you dump outside. All you need to do is not roll up a personal J to enjoy during your next bowl movement.
It’s one thing that you just leave your shit out there for dogs to eat anyway. But to lace your shit with some THC because you’re blazin’ that shit up everyday? That’s just selfish. And if for some reason you can’t put down the devil’s lettuce? Well then you just need to become somebody who bags their own shit. If you’re going to smoke a ton of weed and shit outside, then you better clean up that shit to make sure that dogs aren’t getting high as fucking balls off of it.
So yeah. Either quit getting high as nuts yourself, or start to bag your own shit. It’s gotta be one or the other. Something’s gotta give. Or….and this is a crazy thought so you’re just gonna have to stick with me here…or you could just stop shitting outside in the first place. I mean that’s pretty gross. Can hiking really be that much fun that it’s worth shitting outside over? Highly doubtful.