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Emergency France Update Alert!!!

My goodness, thank gosh for me. Breaking news on the internet left and right. They better sign over the pulitzer, the peabody, and the Takie to me because when news breaks in France, I’m first on the scene. Nothing slips by me. Even after my extensive coverage of the goings ons overseas yesterday, and even though I’m about to go film my new show “Patriots, Poker, and Pasta” with Richard Seymour in 20 minutes, I still had time to break news. Work never stops, man. And the good news is, there’s always two of them! No matter what! It’s crazy!

Anderson Cooper, eat my shorts. This is how you cover the stories that *really* matter.