Are France, England, and The Netherlands Getting Worse At Women's Soccer Because Of The Increase In Air Conditioning In Europe?

Think about it.

The last 3 oppoenents the USWNT played in the World Cup were:

-Sweden

-France

-England

-Netherlands

Four nations where just 10 years ago, air conditioning was less common then a properly seasoned meal, brassiere, deoderant or toothbrush. Historicaly these European teams have mollywhopped the United States. Why throughout the 00’s, the Germans were the only team to of won back to back World titles, bringing them to a cumulative .500 in the last 100 years.

But recently those teams all have something in common- there nations use of indoor air conditioning has increased by approximately 40% according to some studies. What were once strong central european teams of swarthy fire-goddesses, have become soft, sickly, pale, losers- addicts begging for there next hit of freon instead of worrying about defending against left wingers like Megan Rapinoe.

Hey libs how come climate change is bad when it occurs in the middle of greenland but its ok to have it in your living room? Checkmate. FACT: If hell had air conditioning the Devil would be 10 times more productive.

Jus tlook at what happened the last decade as global air conditioning units crept closer to catching up with the disproportionate cooling rates the US has been struggling to overcome:

As worldwide AC crossed the billion unit tipping point, the european stranglehold of soccer started to slip as their players developed en masse, conditions such as goose pimples, hearing loss from having to deal with angry men telling them that its not too cold, and blanket elbow making them more susceptable to handballs.

In edition to women needing the air to be warmer for there ovaries (why only America keeps there eggs in the fridge), AC might as well stand for Areola Cryptonite. As a man with 4 nipples, I am 100% more likley to suffer from unwanted nipple erections which increases chaffage. Thats why Jennifer Anniston made a million bucks a epsode in that frigid apartment on the set of Friends- it’s called hazard pay. These are all great reasons why it would be a advantage to live in a nation without AC when it comes to sports. It was enough to the point where it made one consider if not having air conditioning was a performence enhancing drug.

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Fun thought experment: imagine walking into a 68 degree room- pretty nice right? Want to take off your coat and stay awhile do you? Well it turns out that “room” was the ocean. And you’ve got hypothermia because thats way too cold water to be in. So if you set the thermostat to 70 degrees or less but still go to the beach in the summer your a massive hypocrite. Makes you think.

Now depsite the fact that rates of “indoor climate control” (does it get much more Orweilien than that?) continue to increase in Europe, its still a relatively small percentage compared to the United States. For the USWNT, playing soccer in America is akin to training at altitude  for distance running. The women of Eurpoe have been coddled through 50 plus years of not having air conditioning and are just now starting to feel the negative effects as the American women see a trip to balmy France as a nice cozy treat.

Alot of internet sexists are claiming that theres nothing to the fact that air conditioning sucks the energy out of women faster then having to read a blog from a guy about how it dosen’t suck the energy out of them. But the USWNT dominance in a climate like France’s only strengthens the argument that women are not meant to withstand the rigors of HVAC. And Science backs me up because as the old saying goes men are from Mars and Women are from Venus- and the surface temperture of the red planet is a brisk negative-81 degrees farenheight while the second planet from the sun- you guessed it- a comfortable 859.