True Life: I Am Addicted To Diving Board Content
As I’m sure everyone reading this is aware, the Barstool offices were closed last week for the holiday. No one mandated in the office, no radio just sunshine, cold drinks and fat guys jumping off diving boards. That’s the American way. So when I hopped in the pool with some friends my content brain kicked in and thought “I should have one of my friends film me jumping off the diving board”, so that was exactly what I did. It was an absolute no brainer to hit the people with the Otter Dive. There’s something so funny about diving in the pool head first with your arms at your side. I can’t put into words what about it makes it so funny but it is hilarious. I formed a team of the best videographers and producers at my disposal AKA one of my friends who used to have a photography page on instagram and got to work.
This first dive was like heroin to me. I had no idea it was gonna be filmed in slow-mo but once my boy showed me the footage I was hooked. It was received well by the people and my content brain kicked in again and said “Hey, this video of me jumping off the diving board went well, maybe if I jump off the diving board again in a different manner it could play similarly.” I’m not saying I’m a genius but god damnit was I right. I didn’t want to think too crazy and outside of the box so I went with your classic dive. But this wasn’t just any classic dive. This was a masterpiece.
This dive launched me into a full on internet Fathlete (Fat athlete). My explosion off that diving board felt like I got shot out of a cannon. My form was tremendous. The transition from the leap to the knee tuck to the dive was all spectacular. So spectacular that it had the office buzzing from all over the country.
You’re god damn right it’s a good dive Brandon Fuckin’ Walker. To respond to Donnie, yes I know it was a textbook swan dive. As a matter of fact it was such an exceptionally executed swan dive that I named it “The Dive”. Only the most iconic things get the status of just a “The” in front of it. For example, “The Catch” from Joe Montana to Dwight Clark. On the big stage in the bright lights they shined and forever will be remembered for it. The same goes with “The Dive”.
For my third film I think I got a little too cute. I went with what sounds like a slam dunk for fat guy diving board content with the Belly Flop.
It was released on July 4th so I tried to pander to the crowd and refer to it as “America’s Belly Flop”. Full disclosure it was not worthy of that title. I bent my knees at the last minute and it was not the best belly flop I was capable of. I did it one take and thought because of how effortlessly I did the first two that I could do that every time and that wasn’t the case. After two smash hits my third dive was flop (pun gawd).
After this I knew I needed to come back with a bang. So I went back to the basics, back to the drawing board and knew what I needed to do. A Cannonball. People had been clamoring for it in my replies and mentions. And if there’s one thing I know about show business, it’s that you gotta give the people what they want.
This was my finale. My Mona Lisa. I will fully admit this was not one take. It was actually shot over multiple days. The first few I got I didn’t like. I had to make sure my form was perfect. Everyone knows in the business that you can get away with one flop. But two flops? You’re fucked. I knew I had to come back with some heat. I regrouped, got back on the diving board and made sure to get myself at that perfect 90 degree angle while tucking my knees tight enough to get my arms around them and create the bombastic splash that I was capable of. The water hitting the camera in slow motion was orgasmic to me. I knew it was the one. It was so powerful people were questioning whether I was the reason for the earthquakes that happened in California and Vegas this week. I was humbled for people to think my cannonball was that strong but I thought it was my responsibility to put those rumors to rest.
Diving Board content is maybe my favorite content I’ve ever done. I’ve flown on private jets around the country to do college football shows, I’ve done radio and videos with Super Bowl Champions, but nothing compares to jumping off that diving board. It will always have a special place in my heart. That diving board is the real MVP in this thing after all. I’m still shocked it didn’t snap in half. I pushed that thing farther than anything or anyone has ever been pushed in the history of mankind. That diving board is legitimately older than me. Just incredible. I don’t know how many more dives it has left in it but whenever it gives I’ll only have kind words for it. What a hell of a run. And whenever it does give, if its caught on film that will be electric content. I’m gonna stomp on that mother fucker with bad intentions every time I hit it from now going forward. Shoutout to my parents diving board. What a god damn warrior.
P.S. – This won’t be the last of my diving board content. Just the wrapping up of a series. We’ll be back. You bet your sweet ass we’ll be back.