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Does This Look Like The Face Of A Dude Tossed In The Clink For Stealing A Fake Vag?


Grand Forks HeraldA Fargo man, 26-year-old Christopher Wiener, was arrested Tuesday for shoplifting an artificial vagina from downtown Fargo’s adult bookstore after he told police he became embarrassed by his interest in the object when a woman came into the store. According to a police report, Fargo Police Officer Brent Malone was clearing a disturbance call Tuesday about 12:25 a.m. at the Romantix bookstore when an employee told him a man leaving the store had stolen an artificial vagina. When Malone stopped the man, he asked the man where the box containing the merchandise had come from. The man, who identified himself as Christopher Wiener, told the police he had bought the item from Romantix. Upon further discussion, Wiener told Malone that “I saw an opportunity, I took it, and it was stupid,” adding that he’d become embarrassed when a female entered the store. Wiener was arrested on suspicion of possession of stolen property and taken to the Cass County jail. At the jail, a deputy discovered meth and a glass pipe with residue among Wiener’s belongings. Malone asked Wiener if he had been using narcotics or alcohol earlier in the evening, and Wiener said that he had been using ecstasy.

Embarrassed because some slut saw you analyzing a fake twat in Romantix? Bro, she’s in a sex shop. What do you think she’s there for? Milk & bread? She’s shopping for giant rubber dicks to shove up her box, dummy. Be embarrassed about your oversized balding dome or your patterned eyebrows. Those are legit reasons. But a chick strolling into Romantix after midnight on a Tuesday is a god damn gift for a dude rolling his face off with a pocket full of meth. Probably wouldn’t have taken a lot more than sharing your stash to bury your real dong in some real pussy. Instead, you’re in the news as the Wiener who stole a fake clam because a real one walked in. It’s almost like this guy’s a glutton for shame.

P.S. – I went a solid 45 mins working on New Year’s Day once before puking all over my desk & computer. So for all you trapped monkeys who made it this far, the worst part is probably over. Salute to the working Stoolies.