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The Union is in good shape for the most part. Ferguson, the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, Ukraine, Bitcoin, Net Neutrality, Malkalky Caulkin’s pulse – All relevant and important topics to Google. You even have to let out an Aw Shucks to Idaho and Montana for being stereotypical, Middle America folk. But then there’s the rest, and it’s embarrassing. Forget about Trent secretly going full Atheist. Maryland’s infatuated with an overrated cockspin’s hat. South Dakota is taking medical advice from the real-life Dr. Nick.
Nebraska Kansas can’t even plug in their damn Wi-Fi for Christ sake. Flappy Bird cheats? Go secede, Mississippi. You bring nothing to the table other than college football and diabetes, and this country has enough of both. Yup. I’m thinking an even 44 stars on the flag after the next Census should do the trick.
Was forced to Google the terms “Boko Haram” and “Emma Watson Nude”. Both in the name of research, of course. Still think the first could be used as a position for the second. Get on it, Urban Dictionary.